


Learning to Soar

by Goldenonyx



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-05
Updated: 2017-05-10
Packaged: 2018-09-14 21:32:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 29,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9204131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Goldenonyx/pseuds/Goldenonyx
Summary: Life is like a mountain. When you begin, you climb up, waiting to finally reach the summit. When you reach the summit, however, all that's left to do is fall. Sugawara Koushi has reached the summit, and his downfall begins. Will his teammates be able to save him in time, or will he hit the ground?





	1. Broken Wings

Their third year of high school had definitely been one to remember. Two months, that's all that separated today from graduation. Suga smiled, while these next two months would be full of final tests and college admissions, volleyball still stood out in his mind. Exactly one month from tomorrow, Karasuno would be battling Nekoma on the national stage, and man was that exciting. He knew that this year’s national volleyball final would be fun, yet he, along with everyone else, was determined to win. Suga was so determined, in fact, that he had made it to the gym in record time. 

Normally, Suga arrived shortly after Kageyama and Hinata, who were always ready to go by 6:30, however Suga was confused when nobody was waiting for him outside the gym doors. He pulled his phone out of his left pocket and instantly understood why he was alone, it was only 6. Come to think of it, Suga wasn't even sure what time he woke up this morning. In fact, Suga couldn't remember much from this morning at all, he was too busy thinking about his high school experience. He laughed to himself as he pulled the key from his bag and unlocked the gym doors, flicking on the lights as he walked by. He put his bag down by the door and began to set up for morning practice.

Suga slowly put the net up, taking his sweet time. There wasn't much he could practice on his own, so there was really no point in rushing. Suga sighed, unrolling the net and connecting it to the side poles. He wanted to improve, but he was limited in how much he was able to do at practice. He wasn't mad at Kageyama for being the team’s regular setter, yet it still hurt. Kageyama was on a completely different level than Suga, there was no way he would ever catch up. Suga didn't think they meant to, but it felt like the rest of the team was rubbing it in. He was always the helper, the backup. Nobody ever asked if he wanted help, instead they always asked Suga to help them. Not that he necessarily minded, he loved watching his teammates grow and improve, but it was lonesome. 

When he began playing volleyball with Karasuno in his first year, it was the first time he actually felt wanted, he wasn't lonely anymore. He was a setter and that's what the team needed. As someone who was always treated like nothing, it was a change he accepted with open arms. Suga shook his head, rolling out the cart of volleyballs. He didn't need to dampen his mood before practice, he needed to wait until tonight when he was sure he was alone. He didn't want to bring others into his stupor. 

"Suga-san how long have you been here? We aren't late are we?" Hinata asked from the doorway, changing his shoes before entering the gym. Kageyama followed, the same normal grim look on his face.

"I've been here for a bit, you guys are here the same time as usual." Suga smiled at the pair and grabbed a ball from the basket, waiting for them. It has become a normal morning routine, the three of them would show up at 6:30 and practice. Suga would toss to Kageyama who would set to Hinata who would spike over the net. It wasn't Suga's favorite, but he was able to see the improvement of his teammates every morning, so he was content with it. 

After about 15 minutes of this, the bickering between the two first years escalated rather intently. Hinata had missed the last four balls, and Kageyama was not having it. It was clear that something was on Hinata's mind, yet the way those two communicated is through various degrees of yelling. 

"Oi, dumbass, I'm throwing you perfect tosses, maybe try hitting them some time." Kageyama shouted, walking toward the small redhead. 

"You're tossing too high, there's no way those are perfect bakayama." Hinata retorted. 

Suga looked between the two. It was obvious something was bothering Hinata, yet it must be really bad if he's criticizing Kageyama's tosses. 

"You missing is in no way my fault! My tosses are going to the same spot they always do, you're the one not trying!" Kageyama yelled back. At this point the two boys were only about two feet away from each other, and from the look in the pairs eyes, things were about to get ugly.

"Guys, it's fine, why don't we take a break? The rest of the team should be here soon, we can wait and began practice with them." Suga suggested, looking between the two. He sighed, realizing he was being totally ignored. He decided to step between them to ease the tension and bring them back to the present. He stepped forward and instantly fell to the ground, a sharp pain in his nose. He sat for a second, trying to blink away the tears stinging his eyes. What had just happened? Suga felt something wet drip down his face, so he brought his hand up to wipe it away. As his vision returned, he noticed his hand was covered in blood. 

"Oi, dumbass, look what you did!" Suga heard Kageyama yell. He only assumed he yelled it, because to Suga it sounded more like a soft whisper. He was in shock, but right now all he could do was watch his blood drip onto the floor below him. 

"Sugawara-san I'm so sorry! Are you okay? Do you need anything? Kageyama what do I do?" Hinata panicked. Neither of the two boys mentioned anything about the fact that Hinata was about to punch Kageyama. 

"Towels, and, um, I don't know, just go get some towels!" Kageyama yelled, trying to be helpful yet just as panicked as the smaller boy. Hinata nodded and ran to the door, quickly changing his shoes, before running towards the club room. 

"Suga...?" He heard Kageyama say as he kneeled beside him. Suga wasn't sure why, but he was stuck, he couldn't move, all he could do was stare helplessly at the blood trickling from his nose to the floor. The pool below him was getting bigger and bigger, and his nose showed no sign of stopping. 

Suga let his mind play over what had just happened. Kageyama and Hinata had forgotten Suga was even there, they didn't hear him when he talked, and they only remembered he was there after they had given him a bloody nose. Suga felt like he was falling back to where his was before high school, back to being forgotten and alone. His vision blurred again as the blood dripping down was mixed with the hot tears falling from his eyes. Suga was drained, he was tired of fighting so hard to be noticed. 

"This was all I could find, do you think it's enough?" Hinata called from the gym door. 

"Yeah, just hurry, we need to stop the bleeding." Kageyama replied.

"It's still bleeding?" Hinata asked in a sad tone, no doubt feeling terrible that he had hurt him.

"Noses tend to bleed a lot, but we won't know the damage until we clean the blood off." Kageyama stated. Suga felt Hinata kneel down next to Kageyama, a pile of towels evident out of the corner of his eye. 

"Suga-san, put this against your nose." Kageyama instructed, handing him a towel. Suga didn't move, still staring down at the ever-growing pile of blood against the sleek hardwood. 

"We need to move him. Hinata, go see if anybody is near the club room, I'll clean up the floor." Kageyama told Hinata. Suga heard Hinata get up and go to the door. His footsteps getting quieter and quieter until Suga could no longer hear them. He was still in shock over getting hit, he knew what was going on around him, yet he was unable to do anything about it. All he wanted to do was stand up, clean the blood from himself and the floor, and tell the two first years that everything was okay, it was just an accident after all, yet something wasn't letting him do this. Instead, he sat, blood dripping down his face and onto the floor.

Kageyama put one of the towels over the blood pool on the floor, allowing it to slowly seep into the fabric. He held one out to Suga again, yet quickly gave up and pressed it against the silver haired boys nose himself. Suga yelped at the touch, finally able to move again. He grabbed the towel from Kageyama and held it lightly below his nose, which was still producing a steady stream of blood. Suga looked down at his shirt, a red stain leading all the way down. 

"Suga-san, are you alright?" Kageyama asked again. Suga looked up at him and nodded.

"I'm fine, it's just a bloody nose, happens all the time in volleyball." Suga smiled, ignoring the pain in the center of his face. 

"But Suga, that had nothing to do with volleyball." Kageyama muttered.

"Sure it did, I wasn't paying attention and got hit in the face with a volleyball." Suga replied, giving the raven haired boy a look that said 'this is what happened, don't argue.'

"Sugawara-san....." Hinata said from the doorway. Suga turned and smiled at him.

"Make sure you wash your hand well, get all the blood off before practice." Suga said, ushering Hinata out of the gym. "You better go wash the blood off of your hands too Kageyama, I'll finish here." Suga said, pushing Kageyama after Hinata. When he was sure they were both gone, Suga sighed and walked over to the pile of bloody towels. Kageyama had managed to get all the blood off of the floor, so all that was left was disposing the towels. He carried the towels around the back of the gym to the dumpster, there was no way the blood stains would come out. He tossed them in and removed the towel from his nose, checking to see if he was still bleeding.

"Suga, what are you doing back here?" He heard a familiar voice ask behind him. Suga tossed his towel in the trash and turned around, scratching the back of his head.

"It's nothing Daichi, I just had to clean up after myself." Suga smiled at his best friend. 

"Clean up...? Suga, you're face! What happened? You're covered in blood." Daichi said, running over to Suga.

"Just a volleyball, it looks worse than it is." Suga shrugged, his face reddening under Daichi's gaze. Suga's light gentle eyes met Daichi's dark worried ones, and his face darkened even more. He wasn't sure why, but seeing Daichi look so worried put Suga at ease, it made him feel good, cared-for. 

"Are you sure?" Daichi asked, still looking over at Suga.

"I'm sure, now let's go. You need to start practice. I'll meet you in the gym after I clean up." Suga's smile instantly put Daichi at ease. Daichi nodded and walk back around the gym with Suga. A few members of the team were already in the gym warming up, and with a final glance to Suga, Daichi went and joined them. Suga smiled to himself and walked toward the bathroom, running into Hinata and Kageyama in the process.

"Did you guys work out whatever problem you were having?" Suga asked before either of them could say anything. They looked at each other before nodding.

"Sugawara-san, I really am sorry, I didn't mean to hit you." Hinata said, looking at the ground. Suga smiled at the boy.

"I know Hinata, now go practice. You need to hit a really powerful spike today, one that could cause injury if it were to hit someone." Suga replied.

"Why did you change the story? Why not just admit that we were fighting and you tried to stop it?" Kageyama asked. To be honest, Suga wasn't sure. He'd been acting weird this morning and he wasn't sure why. He knew that his thoughts were largely irrational, yet he couldn't stop himself from having them.

"I figured it was better for you guys this way. Nationals are in a month and we need our freak duo on their A game." Suga shrugged, seemed like a good enough answer. The two boys nodded their heads, accepting the lousy answer Suga had thrown together. He smiled once more before walking past the duo and into the bathroom. 

Suga flinched when he saw his reflection in the mirror. His entire face and neck were covered in blood, and there was a long red streak running down the front of his white sweater. His eyes still had a faint redness to them from crying, and overall he just looks awful. Suga sighed, running a hand through his hair. He washed off what he could from his neck and face before trying to clean off his nose. The center of his face hurt like hell, so Suga was a bit worried. Hinata may be small, but there was no joking around when it came to his strength. 

Staring into the mirror, Suga brought up his hand and gently touched his nose, fighting back a hiss. As his nose got used to the feeling of his hand, he was able to clean what blood remained. After all the blood was gone, Suga's face remained a horrid sight. His nose was a disgusting purple color and was crooked to the right, the exact direction in which Hinata's fist had traveled.

"Dammit." Suga muttered, looking at his reflection. It didn't exactly bother him that one of his teammates had broken his nose, it more bothered him that the incident would be harder to cover up. Sure, volleyballs were no stranger to causing bloody noses, but Suga wasn't sure they had ever broken one. Suga just hoped that nobody would push too much.

Leaving the bathroom behind, Suga decided it was probably best to go see the nurse. By this time practice had already been going for fifteen minutes, and Suga really didn't feel like joining them for the remaining time. The few students who were already at school gave Suga concerned looks, yet he just shrugged them off. Normally he would smile and tell them that he was okay, but if Suga had learned anything today it was that he was in no way okay. He went sure what was going on today, but Suga knew that nothing good was going to happen. 

By the time he reached the nurse, Suga's entire head felt like it was going to explode. He had barley walked through the door when he fell onto the floor, too dizzy to move. His broken nose, along with his head ache and dizziness from the blood loss, really weren't a great combination. The nurse looked over at him and her eyes got wide, helping him onto the cot on the side of the room. 

"What happened to you?" She asked, a bit of concern in her voice.

"Just a volleyball accident." He replied nonchalantly. 

"All these sports clubs do is cause injury." She said, shaking her head. After some poking and prodding, she told Suga what he already knew. His nose was broken and he would most likely feel dizzy due to the blood loss. Although he thought it was a bit dramatic, the nurse insisted that Suga visit the hospital. 

"Why don't you call your parents to let them know you need to go to the hospital?" She told him. Suga tensed at the mention of his parents.

"They, uh, aren't around right now. I'll be okay on my own." Suga smiled. He did that a lot, smiled when there was nothing in his life to smile about. 

"Just promise me that you will contact your parents." She replied, waving him out the doorway. Suga nodded and walked out, leaving the school and walking home. He didn't believe going to the hospital would really benefit him, he already knew what was wrong. 

Suga's house was only about a fifteen minute walk from the school, so he took his time. He had been set home before the school day had even started, so he had plenty of time to kill. He walked down the road, trying to ignore the lingering pain on his face. 

'Maybe I should go to the hospital.' He thought, unable to fight it much longer. 'I'll give it a day, if it's not better tomorrow then I'll go.' He decided.

By this point Suga was in front of his apartment building. It was a nice building, more upper class than the surrounding apartments, yet to Suga it was bland. There was no loving family waiting for him here, just an expensively decorated home. The only personal items were in Suga's room, other than that it would seem as though it was a model home. 

As much as he wanted to say that none of this bother him, he knew it would be a lie. He'd been lying to himself a lot lately, pretending things were fine. He wasn't sure what had set him off, but he was suddenly over that illusion. When it came down to it, nothing in Suga's life was okay. His parents were never around, nobody ever noticed his presence, and he was shown again and again that he was replaceable. 

After unlocking the door, Suga threw his bag to the side and entered, looking at the clock as he passed. 

'Only 8.' He thought, throwing himself down on the couch. He flipped the TV on to a random daytime show and grabbed a blanket off the back of the couch. If he was going to be home, he may as well sleep.


	2. Scattered Pieces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daichi and the rest of Karasuno try to figure out what's wrong with Suga.

It would be an understatement if someone thought Daichi was worried. He had spent his entire lunch roaming around the school trying to find Suga. He knew it was hopeless, Suga hadn't been in class so why would he be here now? The image from this morning haunted Daichi's mind, Suga covered in his own blood. There was no way that was caused by a simple volleyball. Hinata and Kageyama were acting odd during practice, yet they had performed some of their most powerful quicks. Even if Suga were to have been hit by one of those, it wouldn't have caused that much blood. 

Daichi sat in class, not bothering to try and pay attention. Suga had looked so sure that he was okay, so why wasn't he at school? Something else had happened, Daichi was sure. He decided he would ask Hinata and Kageyama about it at practice after school. Even if Suga had told them not to say anything, he knew he could convince them. What concerned Daichi the most was that Suga wasn't being honest, he was just shrugging it off. He was clearly in pain, yet he simply smiled and played it off as though it was nothing. 

When he was finally dismissed from class, Daichi had to restrain himself from sprinting out the door. He quickly walked through the building and out to the club room, were he was changed and in the gym before anyone else had left the main building. Every time someone entered the gym, Daichi's head shot up, hoping it was one of the two first years he was searching for. To Daichi's displeasure, Hinata and Kageyama were the last ones to enter the gym, and before he had a chance to approach them, Takeda called the team together.

"I have a bit of bad news." Takeda said, his eyes shifting uncomfortably between the team. Everyone stared, waiting for him to continue. Daichi wasn't sure why, but something gnawed at the back of his mind, something bad.

"The nurse recently informed me that Sugawara's nose is pretty badly broken. She said he probably will be out for a week or so, but we won't know for sure until he's out of the hospital." Takeda continued, nervously looking around. Silence echoed around the large gym, nobody moved or said anything. Out of the corner of his eye, Daichi saw Kageyama stiffen and Hinata looked like he was about to cry.

"If that happened this morning then why is he still in the hospital?" Tanaka asked, curiosity in his eyes. Others murmured in agreement, and Daichi was one of them. Sure, it was bad, but there was no need for someone to be in the hospital all day for a broken nose.

"As of 20 minutes ago Sugawara hasn't been there yet. The nurse told him to go this morning, but it seems like he didn't listen." Takeda replied. 

'Damn Suga, always trying to fix things himself.' Daichi thought. He wished the slightly smaller boy would lean on him more, they were best friends, they were always supposed to be there for each other. 

"Boys." Ukai said sternly from behind Takeda. Everyone's heads jerked up to look at their coach. “The story is that Sugawara was hit with a ball this morning, a story told by Sugawara himself. I don't believe this for a second. Nobody's going to get in trouble, but I need to know what actually happened." Daichi looked around, searching his teammates faces for a sign that someone knew something. When he got to the freak duo, he knew his original guess was correct. Kageyama was stiff and staring at the ground while Hinata looked as though one touch would cause him to shatter. 

"Hinata..." Daichi said, putting his hand on the small boy's shoulder. Hinata flinched at the touch and broke down.

"I didn't mean to!" He wailed, falling into Daichi. Daichi put his arm around Hinata and rubbed small circles into his back, trying to help him calm down. Once his breathing steadied, Hinata took a deep breath and stood up. 

"My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer yesterday," he started. A collective gasp could be heard in the large gym. This was not how anybody had pictured this conversation to go. Daichi was about to say something, but Kageyama caught his eye and shook his head. Daichi closed his mouth, Kageyama was right, he needed to let Hinata tell the whole story.

"I was a bit on edge I guess, it was a kinda sudden thing. Well, when we were practicing this morning I kept missing, I couldn't concentrate. The usual thing happened, Kags and I starting yelling and everything began to blur. Before I knew it my fist hurt and.....and... Kags was still in front of me...and...Suga was..." He couldn't finish, collapsing onto the ground. Kageyama rushed over to comfort him. He looked up to finish the story.

"We were too heated. Suga tried to get us to calm down and he got hurt out of it. I don't know why he told us to lie about it." He finished.

“Suga has been acting kinda strange lately.” Tanaka mentioned. After receiving nothing but blank looks, he continued. “He just seems really out of it, like he’s here, but he’s not really here.” 

“He does seem a bit distracted.” Ukai agreed. “Did something happen within the last week or so?” He asked. Daichi shook his head, he hadn’t noticed anything. Suga would have told him if something had happened anyway, and he didn’t mention anything.

“Nothing?” Ukai asked, taking in all the shaking heads. He stopped when he got to Daichi. “Sugawara didn’t mention anything to you?” 

“No, he hasn’t. When we’re together he acts pretty normal, so I haven’t noticed much either.” Daichi responded, searching his mind for anything he may have missed. 

"Okay, so after that he cleaned up and went to the nurse?" Takeda asked, bringing the conversation back to the events of this morning.

"Not exactly." Kageyama answered. Everyone looked at him, confused. What did that mean, not exactly? Daichi wasn't sure.

"It was so scary." Hinata piped up, wiping his face with the back of his hand. "It’s like he wasn't even here anymore." 

Daichi froze. What were they talking about? Suga wasn't even there, what did that mean? 

"What do you mean?" Noya asked, voicing Daichi's thoughts.

"He didn't respond to anything. We kept asking if he was okay and what we needed to do to help, but he didn't even move. He was just staring at the ground. He snapped back after I put a towel against his nose, and he just acted like nothing had happened." Kageyama answered. 

Something was obviously wrong with Suga, Daichi had gathered that much. What had he missed? When the two of them were together everything seemed normal, so what changed? The more he thought about it, the more small things began to stand out. Suga was always very punctual, so why was he early this morning? Kageyama had said that everything was set up when they arrived at 6:30, so just how early was Suga? Tanaka was right, during practice Suga had seemed a bit out of it. Sure, he was physically there, but he wasn’t really there mentally.

"Do you know where he is now?" Daichi heard Asahi ask. He was pulled out of his thoughts and back to reality. 

"He was told to contact his parents and go to the hospital, but all we know is that he never made it. We tried to contact his parents but never got an answer." He replied.

“You probably won’t hear from his parents.” Daichi told Takeda. In response, he received a questioning look. “They’re both lawyers in Tokyo, they’re really busy and aren’t around a lot.” 

“Suga lives alone?” Hinata asked, sniffling. 

“For the most part. When his parents get a break they come back, but being a lawyer is a demanding job.” Daichi responded, wondering if he’d shared too much. He didn’t think Suga would mind, but he also wasn’t sure what Suga’s relationship with his parents was. All Suga had ever shared was that they spent most of their time in Tokyo for work.

"I'll go to his house and check on him." Daichi said, already heading towards the door. Before he got there, however, a large hand held him back.

"You stay here and run practice, I'll go." Asahi said gently. Daichi knew that he was being selfish, trying to ditch practice, but he also knew he was going to explode if he didn't hear from Suga. 

“But-“ Daichi started, only to get interrupted.

“We can’t have both of our captains gone Daichi. Anyway, Suga would be mad if you skipped practice for him.” Asahi said, looking at Daichi. Daichi sighed, nodding at the other third year. He hated to admit it, but he was a tad bit protective over Suga, they had been through so much together after all. But, he realized, so had Asahi. The three of them had been together throughout their time at Karasuno, so if he could trust anyone around Suga, it was definitely Asahi. 

“I’m worried.” He said quietly.

“I know, I am too.” Asahi responded, putting a hand on Daichi’s shoulder. 

"Let me know how things are." He told Asahi, turning away from the door and heading back towards the court. He heard Asahi leave, closing the door behind him. Daichi took a deep breath and looked at the rest of the team, still standing around Takeda and Ukai.

"Well," he said, “don’t we have nationals to prepare for?" And with that, everyone was on their feet.

Practice didn’t go well. Kageyama and Hinata weren’t able to match for their freak quick, Noya’s receives were sub-par, Tanaka didn’t jump with as much enthusiasm as normal, even Tsukishima was affected. By the time practice ended, the team hadn’t done anything productive. They were slow to clean up, moving as if they were stuck in molasses. Slowly, players began to trickle out of the gym, until only two remained. 

“Daichi-san.” Kageyama said, walking over to the older boy. Daichi turned to look at him. 

“What do you need Kageyama?” Daichi asked, not quite sure what the answer would be. Normally it would be something about more individual practice, but given the events of today Daichi was sure that wasn’t it.

“It’s about the National Youth Training Camp.” He said, looking at the ground.

“What about it?” Daichi asked, still not sure where Kageyama was going.

“I haven’t accepted the invitation yet, and I was wondering if I should deny it.” He asked, his voice quiet. 

“Why would you give up such a great opportunity?” Daichi asked, startled that Kageyama would even consider not going.

“Well the team needs a setter, and if something’s wrong with Sugawara I don’t think I should leave.” He answered. 

“Kageyama, I’m glad you’re worried about your team, but you can’t turn this down. If you get better then the team gets better, and that’s what we need to win nationals. Not to mention, Suga would get mad if you didn’t go because you were worried about him.” Daichi smiled.

“I guess you’re right. It’s only a week after all. I better go let Takeda-sensei know my decision. Goodbye Daichi-san!” Kageyama called, running over to the door. 

‘I better figure out what’s going on with Suga soon.’ Daichi thought to himself. ‘Kageyama is right, it’s going to be difficult for the team if we lose both of our setters.’ 

Daichi made his way to the club room to change before heading home. It was a nice day out, the sky was blue and the birds were singing, but Daichi wasn’t able to enjoy it. He got to the club room and opened the door, not surprised that it was empty. He changed slowly, trying to fight the feeling of loneliness creeping up on him. He had never actually been in the club room alone, Suga was always with him. 

A soft vibration from his bag brought Daichi away from his thoughts. He reached in and pulled out his phone, looking at caller ID before answering it.

“Asahi.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Switching it up a bit! We got to learn a bit from Daichi's perspective. The next chapter will be back to Suga and we get to see what happens during Asahi's visit! Anyway, please comment and let me know how I'm doing, feedback really helps me become a better writer!  
> Onyx


	3. The Way of the Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suga reflects on the events that triggered his downfall

Suga awoke to a gentle knock on the door. He yawned as he got off the couch, a small pain running across his face.

'Oh right.' He thought, remembering the events of the morning. He stretched his arms as he walked to the door, opening it to a large but familiar figure. Asahi stood in the doorway, a worried look in his eyes. When he saw Suga, the worried look lifted a bit, only to come back as soon as he noticed Suga's nose. Suga frowned, imagining the ugly purple color his nose was. He stepped back and pulled the door with him, ushering Asahi inside. He hesitated, but entered anyway.

"I promise it doesn't hurt as bad as it looks." Suga said, he may as well get this out of the way.

"It's broken." Asahi stated, staring at Suga. Suga sighed, he figured his little lie would only last so long.

"So everyone knows then." He said, plopping down on the couch. Asahi continue to stand, nodding at Suga. "I figured."

"Why did you lie?" Asahi asked, a hint of pain in his voice.

"Honestly, I don't know." Suga answered. He had known Asahi too long and knew that it would be better to be truthful. It's not that Asahi was good at detecting lies, it was more of Suga couldn't lie to a giant teddy bear.

"Why didn't you go to the hospital?" He followed up. 

'Oh, so that was mentioned too, huh?' Suga thought.

“They were just going to tell me what I already knew, besides, I'm not really a fan of hospitals." He shrugged. Asahi just stared, obvious that there was so much more he wanted to ask, yet he didn't. Instead, he moved to sit next to Suga, turning his attention to whatever show was currently on TV. After a while of silence between the two, Asahi spoke up.

"Everyone's worried. Daichi was going to ditch practice to come, but I was able to convince him to stay. I don't know how much they're actually practicing though." He said, not looking for a response. 

Suga sighed, leaning his head back to stare at the ceiling. Why do they care? Why is it his fault they weren't practicing? It's not like he did much at practice anyway. No, that wasn't true, he did more at practice than anybody else. He did what was asked of him, a toss here, a pass there, nothing that anyone else couldn't do. 

'I'm replaceable.' He thought, closing his eyes.

 

He wasn't sure how long he had been asleep. His nose was throbbing, so Suga got up and headed to the kitchen for some water and pain meds. As he approached the door to the kitchen, he heard Asahi's voice. 

"Yeah, it's me." Asahi said. Suga figured he was on the phone, so he turns to head back to the living room, not wanted to disturb him. 

"I'm here but, I don't know Daichi, something about what Kageyama and Hinata said is really bothering me." Suga froze. He wasn't one for listening in to other people’s private conversations, but this was about him. Suga slowly walked over to the doorway, leaning against the wall next to it.

“He’s here but I don't feel like he's actually here, if that makes any sense." Asahi muttered onto the phone. What did he mean by that? Sure, Suga had noticed he had been acting weird today, but that didn't mean he was gone. 

"No, he was trying to shrug it off, but he was awfully quiet." Suga had to hand it to him, Asahi was more aware than Suga had ever given him credit for. 

"He's been asleep for about two hours. His nose looks terrible Daichi... I don't care what he says, there is no way he's not in pain." At this point, Suga was tired of listening. Asahi was right, his nose hurt like hell, but he didn't want others to know that. He loudly stumbled into the kitchen, making sure that Asahi knew he was there.

"I have to go, I'll call back in a bit." Asahi said before he ended the call. He turned and looked at Suga. "How are you? You slept for quite a while."

"Fine." He replied bitterly. He saw Asahi flinch at his tone. Suga felt a little bad for snapping at him, but with everything that had happened today he was at the end of his rope. He walked over to the sink and filled a glass with water, swallowing his pain killers.

"Are you sure you don't need to go to the hospital?" Asahi asked hesitantly, as if afraid to get snapped at again. Suga softened a bit before answering.

"It hurts, but only so much can be done. Noses suck." Suga said, attempting to lift the mood. Asahi let out a light chuckle before looking at Suga with serious eyes.

"I'll take care of myself, I promise. Now go home, I know you have homework you need to get done." Suga scolded. Asahi nodded and headed to the door, Suga following him. 

"We're here if you ever need anything, Daichi and I. I'm sure the rest of the team too." Asahi said, the doorknob in his hand. Suga nodded, and with that, Asahi left. 

Suga stood still for a moment, staring at the door. Why was he feeling so rebellious? He knew that his team was only looking out for him, so why did it make him so angry? Sure, if it wasn’t for his teammates he wouldn’t be in this position right now, but Suga didn’t believe that was what was bothering him. He shook his head and waltzed back to the couch, flopping down with a soft thud. 

It suddenly hit him. He was tired. He was tired of being the backup. He was tired of being the one who helped others grow but never grew himself. He was tired of being Mr. Refreshing, tired of being responsible for everyone else. He was tired, he finally understood that much. He had been fighting for so long for others that he forgot to fight for himself. Suga pulled the blankets over him and turned the TV down. He needed to get away for a while, and sleep seemed like the best option. 

 

It had been a week since they had beaten Shiratorizawa, and in that last week Suga began to crumble. He didn’t notice at first, all that he noticed was that he was in his head more and more. Though an outsider may think that this change was due to the volleyball win, Suga knew they were unrelated. What bothered him wasn’t what happened during the game, but what happened after it. 

To be honest, Suga wasn’t sure why it bothered him in the first place. The normal response would have been to feel happy for his best friend, yet all Suga felt was betrayed. It had been obvious to Suga ever since he started at Karasuno that Michimiya had a huge crush on Daichi, yet he never thought much of it. Until, that is, after they won and Daichi kissed her. It was all Suga could think about, Daichi walked up to her holding the Win charm in his hand. That brief moment when time stopped as they looked into each other’s eyes and leaned in. Suga wasn’t sure if time stopped for them, but it definitely stopped for him. His team whooping and cheering for Daichi after the two of them had broken apart, their faces completely red. Suga hated it. He hated how he felt during that moment. It kept replaying in his head, and no matter what he did he couldn’t stop it. 

This is what started his downfall.

After they returned to school, Suga began to see Daichi less and less. They still walked home together after practice and had lunch together, but it was no longer just them. Michimiya joined the third year volleyball players for lunch and waited until practice was over to walk home with them. It annoyed Suga. In all his years of knowing Daichi, he never had to share him. He was sure these feelings of jealousy were just because he had to share Daichi, nothing else. He wasn’t sure why he had to keep telling himself that, but he did it anyway. He was feeling this way because he no longer had Daichi to himself. 

With Daichi preoccupied, Suga truly realized how lonely he was. He noticed how practices were always about helping everyone else, never him. He noticed how he wasn’t just a backup setter, but a backup player. If Kageyama and Hinata were working on their quick, then the other spikers would ask Suga to set for them. If Kageyama was working with the spikers, the receivers would ask him to serve, and so on. Nobody ever asked Suga what he wanted. 

It made Suga angry when Hinata broke his nose. It just confirmed to him how overlooked he was. Why did it take a broken nose for him to be noticed? He put everything he had into volleyball and school, so why didn’t anyone ever notice that? 

All of these thoughts and realizations were buried deep in Suga’s sleeping mind.

 

Suga awoke to his phone softly vibrating on the small table next to the couch. Without opening his eyes, Suga blindly moved his hand until he found it. 

“Hello,” he answered, not bothering to read the caller ID.

“Koushi, why did you skip school?” A stern voice said. Suga bolted up, his eyes wide.

“I got set home Okaasan, I didn’t skip.” Suga answered defensively. Of course his mother would only call if he didn’t go to school, she wouldn’t care if he was hurt or anything.

“This better have nothing to do with that silly club of yours.” She answered bitterly. 

“It doesn’t matter. I’ll be back tomorrow and I’ll make up for what I missed.” He responded strongly. His parents always thought volleyball was a waste of time, they were more concerned about grades than anything else.

“Koushi.” She warned. 

“I got hurt at practice this morning. I won’t let it affect my grades.” He said.

“It better not. You know how your father and I feel about your club activities.” With that, she hung up. 

Suga sighed, tossing his phone back on the table. It was 8, somehow Suga had managed to sleep most of the day, despite all of the events of the morning. He pushed himself off the couch and wandered to the bathroom. He flicked on the lights and turned the sink on, waiting a moment before looking up at his reflection. He didn’t look any better from this morning, the whole center of his face a gross purple color. His nose was still slightly crooked to the right. Suga opened the cabinet behind him and pulled out a small washcloth. He folded it a few times and put it into his mouth. He bit down as he brought his hands up to his nose. 

A muffled scream came out of his mouth as he pushed his nose back in place. He felt a small stream of blood trickle down his face, mixing in with the tears he didn’t know he was shedding. He pulled the washcloth out of his mouth and put it against his nose, soaking up the fresh blood. 

‘This fucking hurts.’ He thought as he went to sit down. He wasn’t sure how much he was going to bleed, but he didn’t want to get dizzy again. Once the bleeding stopped, Suga realized that he hadn’t eaten at all today. He tossed the cloth in the laundry and walked to the kitchen, heating up some leftover curry. Trying to avoid the depths of his mind, Suga focused on his nose while he ate.

‘Do I need to cover this with something tomorrow? I don’t want people to ask about it, but no matter what I do I’ll still get questions.’ In the end, he decided it didn’t matter. Once his nose healed nobody was going to notice him anyway. He sighed as he cleaned up. Although he had slept all day, Suga decided he would go to bed, he didn’t want to be reminded of how lonely he was every 5 minutes. He walked to his room and collapsed onto his bed, pleading that sleep would come quickly. 

It did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, I know nothing about broken noses, so we're just going to go with this. I'm having so much fun writing this story and I can't wait to share the rest with you! Thank you so much for all your comments and support, they really mean a lot. It makes me feel like I'm writing for a purpose, and that's all I could ever ask for :)  
> Onyx


	4. The Broken and the Mending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suga gets a heart-to-heart with an unexpected first year

He didn't exactly want to go to school, but Suga knew what would happen if he skipped. It wouldn't exactly be skipping since he did have a broken nose, but he knew that's not how his parents would view it. Suga sighed in defeat as he opened his eyes.

The morning went both fast and slow. Since he wanted to avoid as many questions as possible, Suga decided he would get to class as soon as it started. He took his morning slow, trying to drag time out as long as he could, but school still came too quickly. 

The walk to school was uncomfortable to say the least. It wasn't the walk itself that had Suga on edge, but what waited for him at the end. His teammates would definitely be waiting at the gate for him if he got there too early. They no doubt had questions for him. The rest of the school would have questions too, seeing the gross purple color on his face. He timed his morning specifically to avoid these confrontations, yet he knew he could only run for so long.

Luckily for him, Suga arrived at the gate just as the first bell rang. Not only did that mean nobody was waiting for him, but it also meant nobody would stop him in the halls. He would still get weird or concerned looks, but that was to be expected. 

A fresh wave of doubt rushed over Suga as he entered the school building. Would anyone actually care he was hurt? Did anyone even notice he had missed the day before? Did he plan his morning around something that wasn't even a problem? Similar thoughts circled around in his head as he made his way up to the third year classrooms. As soon as he entered, all these thoughts vanished. 

Time froze as he locked eyes with Daichi. Suga could read so many different emotions flowing through him; happiness and relief, followed by worry. Before he could get up to talk to Suga, the second bell rang, signaling the being of class. Suga walked up and sat in his usual spot in front of Daichi.

Suga tried his best to pay attention to the lesson, but he couldn't help but feel eyes burning into the back of his head. When the school year had started, Suga chose to sit in front of Daichi so that he wouldn't be distracted during class. He did it to prevent himself from staring at Daichi all class period, yet he never thought Daichi would stare at him all class. Any other day and he would have been overjoyed, but today it was just annoying. Why did he care anyway?

As the clock ticked closer to the end of class, Suga was putting together an escape. There was only a small window of time for him to get out of the classroom and avoid Daichi, but the trouble didn't end there. He couldn't go to the roof, Daichi and Asahi would definitely check there first. He couldn't go to the gym, Hinata and Kageyama would most likely be there. Classrooms wouldn't work either, he would surely be noticed. He could probably find a secluded spot outside, but Suga really just wanted a nice, quiet place to hide. The only other option would be the basement. It was dark and dingy, but nobody would look for him there. It also helped that very few people knew the door by the east staircase was the only unlocked door to the basement. All Suga had to do was make it down the stairs without being seen.

Right as the hand struck twelve, Suga was gone. He was able to reach the east staircase before many people had left their classrooms despite it being across the school from his classroom. As he rushed down the stairs, voices began to fill the hallways. One more flight and he would be safe. He held his breath as he pulled the basement door open and thrust himself inside, hoping that no one had seen him. 

Suga sighed as he walked down the last flight of stairs to the basement. It was dark, the only light coming from a few old light bulbs. The basement was just a large square room with cinder block walls. Shelves lined the room, filled with forgotten supplies. A few extra desks here, a broken basketball hoop there, it was more of a dumping ground than a storage area. Suga weaved through some shelving units before finding an old couch to sit on. Only 45 minutes before he had to go back to class.

"...are you sure he came down here?" A familiar, innocent voice asked. As much as Suga didn't want to be followed, hearing Yamaguchi put him at ease, he felt like he didn't need to run.

"I'm sure." A deeper voice, no doubt Tsukishima, replied. For whatever reason, Suga was okay that those two had been the ones to follow him, glad even.

"Sugawara-san." Yamaguchi said as he turned the corner, the couch and Suga in clear view. Looking up at Yamaguchi and Tsukishima, he didn't fake a smile like he normally would, instead he just looked. Yamaguchi clearly grew uncomfortable, yet something in Tsukishima's eyes showed understanding. Without saying anything, he led Yamaguchi over to the couch, where he sat between Suga and the other boy. 

Although he was clearly uncomfortable, Yamaguchi sensed that the silence was welcomed, so he sat and ate his lunch. Tsukishima did the same, not looking at either boy. Suga appreciated how Tsukishima was acting normal and how Yamaguchi was reading the atmosphere. He wasn't sure why, but he was glad they were there.

"So." Tsukishima said, breaking the silence. Yamaguchi looked up, but didn't say anything.

"I don't know." Suga answered, feeling an odd sense of trust towards the younger boys.

"You don't know what?" Yamaguchi piped up, earning a look from Tsukishima.

"Why I'm running, what I'm running from, I just don't know." Suga said, shaking his head. While he had an idea of what he was running from, he didn't have a clear enough grasp to share it with the two boys.

"How's your nose?" Tsukishima asked, sensing that Suga didn't have answers.

"Hurts like hell. Hinata managed to dislocated it, I had to put it back myself." He shared.

"I, um, forgot. I have to go talk to Yachi about something. I'll catch up with you later Tsukki." Yamaguchi rushed, gathering his stuff and quickly exiting the basement. Suga looked after him with a confused expression while Tsukishima just sighed.

"You don't need to defend yourself or say anything, just listen." Tsukishima said. Suga focused his confused expression away from where Yamaguchi had disappeared and over to Tsukishima. 

"Somethings been different about you recently, the entire team has noticed. Nobody knows what caused the change or why, but it seems like it started after we beat Shiratorizawa. The rest of the team may think it has something to do with volleyball, but I'm not so sure. You’re in your head more and more, and you've been drifting from the team. You've been in conversations less and less, and now you're flat out avoiding everyone. I'm not saying you need to go back to how you were or anything, I just thought you might want to know what it looks like to us." He finished. Suga looked at the floor, taking it all in. His head was spinning, trying hard to come up with varying excuses. 

"There's a lot I'm still trying to figure out myself to be honest. My head is full of my own demons and I feel like I'm drowning. I'm giving in to them, so I'm not sure how much longer the Suga you all know and love is going to be around." Suga responded, not meeting Tsukishima's eyes. 

"I'm not exactly one to talk, but if you think talking will help at all, I'm willing to listen. Yamaguchi is too, he's probably better at it than I am." Tsukishima said, a bit flustered. For the first time in a long time, Suga smiled a genuine smile. 

"I might take you up on that sometime." He smiled, finally looking at the taller boy. His face didn’t show much emotion, but his eyes were kind. Something about Tsukishima being there made him feel at ease.

“I, uh, I know what it’s like to have your whole world crumble around you. When I was younger, my world revolved around my older brother. He was the ace of his volleyball team in junior high and was really good. He decided to go to Karasuno for high school, it was just reaching its peak of being a powerhouse. I always looked up to him and thought he was so cool, but it turned out he lied to me for his three years of high school. He told me he was the ace of Karasuno. He would make up excuses for why I couldn’t watch his games, but when I finally went to one, I found out the truth. He wasn’t the ace, he wasn’t even on the bench; he was cheering from the stands. I understand that he lied to me so that I wouldn’t think any less of him, but it didn’t lessen the blow.” Tsukishima shared. Suga looked up at him with wide eyes, he never expected Tsukishima to share that much. 

“Is that why you don’t take volleyball all that seriously?” Suga found himself asking.

“My brother put everything he had into volleyball, and it broke him. I’m aware my situation is different than my brothers, but I’m still hesitant.” Tsukishima answered.

“This was around the time Karasuno had the Little Giant, wasn’t it?” Suga asked.

“He was a year younger than my brother. That’s another reason, I guess. Hinata and the Little Giant have many similarities, and at first I just decided not to try and win that battle. Something’s changed in me recently though, I’m going to fight against Hinata, I’m not going to let myself fade. I’m not going to fall apart.” Tsukishima said in a proud tone. 

“I’m glad you’ve decided to fight. You’re a great volleyball player Tsukishima, and an even better blocker. Even though you and Hinata play the same position, you each play it so differently. I’m sure you won’t have a problem standing out with your abilities.” Suga praised. Somehow, Tsukishima sharing more about himself had put Suga in a good, almost normal mood. 

“It will take some time for your world to begin piecing itself back together, but it will happen. If it wasn’t for the training camp, I’m not sure I would be any better off then you right now.” He said, looking at Suga gently. 

“Something in my head is telling me I have farther to fall before I can climb back up, and that terrifies me.” Suga said, looking at the ground.

“If there’s anything I can do to soften your landing, I won’t hesitate to do so.” Tsukishima said, also turning his gaze to the ground. A small smile appeared on Suga’s face when he heard this.

For the first time in a long time, he wasn’t feeling quite so alone.

“Go on back to class, I’m sure Yamaguchi is waiting for you. Tell him thanks, by the way. I’ll most likely be here for lunch again tomorrow if the two of you wish to join me.” Suga said. Tsukishima nodded and stood up, walking along the shelves and out of sight, leaving Suga alone in the dark basement.

Suga had a new found respect for the tall middle blocker. Sure, he was quiet and stubborn, but Suga really appreciated this side of him. He really was a caring guy, Suga would have to make it up to him somehow. Yamaguchi too. Though he may not be the most confident or social person, Yamaguchi was rather good at reading people and situations. Suga had a feeling he knew that Tsukishima was going to share that story with him before even Tsukishima knew. 

He would make a great captain someday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone for all of the support on this story! I really do love writing it and it means sooooo much that people enjoy reading it! Please feel free to leave comments about anything you liked or anything in my writing that could be improved, I really appreciate it!  
> Onyx


	5. Further to Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rest of Suga's week doesn't go very well.

The second half of class wasn't much different than the first. Suga tried as hard as he could to focus on what the teacher had to say, but it seemed as if Daichi's stare had become a thousand times more intense. He knew it was because of his disappearing act during lunch, but for whatever reason he didn't feel bad about it. His lunchtime talk with Tsukishima had been very beneficial. If it hadn't been clear to Daichi earlier, the fact that Suga was avoiding him was obvious now. 

‘He's been ditching you a lot lately, he deserves what he's getting. He deserves feeling abandoned, just like he abandoned you.’ Suga’s mind was whirling with these kinds of thoughts. He knew that all of these thoughts were stupid and irrational, but that didn't mean he was able to dismiss them. Since getting a girlfriend, Daichi had ditched him consistently; Suga had felt abandoned. 

"Sugawara, your nose is bleeding." Sensei exclaimed in a worried tone, pulling him out of his thoughts.

"Oh, excuse me, I'll be right back." Suga rushed, covering his nose with the back of his hand.

"Class is over in a few minutes, why don't you just go ahead and leave?" Sensei smiled at him. He nodded in response and quickly gathered his belongings, keeping on hand over his nose. He could feel Daichi's worried gaze on him as he rushed out of the classroom. 

He made his way to the nearest bathroom to clean up. There wasn't much blood, but a few drops had flowed from his nose and down his face. He wiped up the blood with a paper towel and looked at his reflection in the mirror. He definitely looked as bad as he felt. Despite sleeping all day yesterday, his eyes were sunken in and had large bags underneath. His skin was ghostly pale except for the giant purple bruise covering his entire nose and fading out along his cheekbones. What scared him the most, however, was how dead his eyes looked. The usual sparkle was completely gone, and his normally rich chocolate colored eyes had turned dull, resembling cracked, dry dirt. He wasn't looking at himself anymore- he was gazing into the eyes of a stranger.

At some point while he was in the bathroom the bell had rung, signaling the end of the school day. He wasn't really worried about avoiding questions anymore, he could just ignore them and go home. Nevertheless, he braced himself before pushing open the bathroom door.

Before he had even stepped into the hallway Suga was bombarded with looks. Nobody said anything, instead they all started at the stranger known as Sugawara Koushi. Not wanting to acknowledge them, he looked at the ground and pushed himself through the crowd towards the stairs. Just as he began to descend, he heard a familiar voice behind him.

"Sugawara-san, wait up!" Michimiya shouted. Suga tensed at the sound of her voice. Out of everyone he was trying to avoid, she was at the top of the list. He’d somehow convinced himself that all of his bad luck stemmed from her, and he was done trying to conceal his annoyance. 

"I heard about your nose, are you okay? We were going to ask you at lunch, but Daichi and I couldn't find you." She began when Suga stopped walking. With every word that fell out of her mouth, Suga got more and more fed up. All he wanted to do was go home, why couldn’t she see that? And why wouldn’t she stop with this ‘Daichi and I’ crap, couldn’t she tell Suga didn’t want to hear it? 

"You really don't look very good Suga, are you going to be able to make it home okay?" She asked. 

"Don't call me that." Suga said sharply. She had called him Suga many times before, but for some reason Suga just couldn't take it anymore.

"Suga...-" She started. 

"I said DONT CALL ME THAT!" Suga yelled, turning to face her square on. The chatter around them grew quiet, as everybody turned towards the commotion, their eyes on Suga.

"Sugawara what's going on with you? Are you-" She asked, getting cut off yet again.

"No, I'm not okay. I haven't been okay, and I'm not going to be okay. Why can't you just accept that? Why doesn't anyone understand I don't need help, I don't want help! Just LEAVE ME ALONE." He snapped, turning away and continuing down the stairs. Suddenly, another voice rose from the crowd. Suga stopped dead in his tracks.

"Koushi, what’s going on? I can't help you if you don't talk to me." Daichi said gently from behind him. Suga turned slowly to face him.

"Why can't you take a hint Daichi, I don't need your help, and I don't need you." With that, Suga turned and left everyone in silence. 

Once the school was out of sight, Suga burst into a run. So many emotions were flooding through him and he just wanted to go home. What had he just done? Daichi would leave him for sure now that he'd gone and ruined everything. Not only did he just snap at his best friend, but he did it in front of the entire third year class. When he got home he closed the front door and slide to the ground, his head in his hands. 

Part of him felt good for finally getting all the pent up anger out, but most of him felt plain horrible. Suga didn't even realize he was crying until he was past the point of no return. He was hyperventilating, tears rushing down his face faster than his body could produce them. What had he done? This single thought kept running through his head like a broken record. What had he done? He had told Tsukishima that he had further to fall, but he never meant to fall this far. All of this had started because Suga was jealous Daichi had someone else important in his life, and now he had definitely ruined himself in Daichi's eyes. He put his head between his knees and counted his breaths, trying hard to calm down.

Once he had calmed down enough, Suga picked himself up off of the floor and stumbled to his room. Not bothering to change, he flopped onto his bed and threw the covers over himself, creating a protective cocoon. If only he could stay here forever, everything would be fine. Now that he had cried out all his tears, screamed out all his frustrations, all Suga felt was emptiness. He wasn't mad anymore, he wasn't hurt or in pain, he was just, empty. Void of all emotions. Somehow, in his little cocoon, he fell into a restless sleep. 

 

The next few days were a blur. Suga stayed curled up asleep most of the time, only getting up to use the bathroom. He wasn't sure what time it was or how many days had gone by. His laptop stayed closed on his desk and his phone tucked away in his backpack. If anybody had tried to contact him, they wouldn't reach him. Suga highly doubted that anyone would try to contact him though. 

At one point in his depressed state, he was awoken by the front door closing. This was an abnormality in Suga's house, since his parents were almost always working in Tokyo and nobody nearby had a key. Suga, however, was to empty to care.

“Koushi?" A gentle voice said from the doorway. When Suga didn't respond, the figure walked over to his bed and moved the blanket away from his face.

"Koushi, honey, are you okay?" His mother asked sweetly. He was sure she had never used that tone with him, but surprisingly it didn't seem all that strange. Instead of responding, he looked up at her, letting his appearance speak for itself.

"Oh hun." She said, sitting on the edge of his bed and putting his head on her lap. She didn't say anything as she stroked his hair, a sense of understanding in the air. Receiving this level of affection from his mother was rare, but Suga appreciated it. His parents were both very busy and strict, but deep down Suga knew it was all for him.

"Why are you home?" Suga croaked, his voice coarse from lack of use.

"The school called. You haven't been in class since Tuesday. I would have come sooner but I had to wait until the weekend." She replied, still stroking his hair.

"What day is it?" He asked, staring blankly across the room.

"It's Sunday. I'm really sorry I wasn't able to get here sooner, is there anything I can do to help?" She asked him, worry in her voice. Of course she was worried, Suga had missed 3 days of class, and it would take a lot of effort to catch up.

"I'll catch up on school work, don't worry." He mumbled, not really putting in much effort into the empty promise.

"Don't worry about that right now. You're hurting, let's focus on getting better first, okay?" She said softly. Suga slowly nodded.

"You don't have to tell me anything, but it might help to talk to someone." She advised, getting up. "I have to go run some errands. I'll be back in about an hour, okay sweetie? Call me if you need anything." She said, kissing Suga's forehead softly before leaving. 

It probably would help to talk to someone, to tell them everything he was thinking and feeling without holding back, but the one person he could think of would probably never speak to him again. Suga sat up and shoved his head into his hands. What had he done? Here he was, even more alone then before. He had no one, he had nothing.

Suga sat up, looking around the room. He was wrong, he wasn't alone, he still had someone. He stood up and walked over to his bag, fishing out his phone. 76 text messages and 32 phone calls, all from his teammates. Nothing from Daichi. Suga pushed away the impending tears and scrolled through his contacts and calling the number he didn't think he would ever call.

"Hello?" A voice answered. The voice was slightly higher pitched then what Suga was expecting.

"Um, is Tsukishima there?" He asked, his voice still raspy.

"He's in the middle of a practice match. Can I ask who this is? Tsukki told me to take any calls he got but I forgot to look at the caller id." Yamaguchi said, embarrassed. 

"Oh, sorry, I forgot about the practice match. Just have him call me back when he's done, it's Sugawara by the-" 

"Sugawara-san? Hold on one second." Yamaguchi said, a new flare to his voice. After a few seconds of muffled voices on the other line, someone finally picked up the phone.

"Sugawara, it's Tsukishima. What's up?" Tsukishima asked, a bit out of breath.

"I didn't mean to get you pulled out of the match, you could have just called later." Suga said, feeling bad.

"No, it's fine. I've actually been waiting for you to call. I wasn't sure if you would, but I wanted to be available just in case." He said. Suga smiled slightly, he was right, there was still someone in the world who cared.

"I just, I really need someone to talk to right now and you were the only person I could think of. Do you think you could stop by when you're done with practice?" Suga asked hesitantly, he really hated asking people for things.

"I'm on my way. And before you say anything, the match is pretty much over anyway. We're 10 points ahead in the second set and we won the first. I'll be there in a half hour." He responded. There was a brief moment of silence before Suga spoke up.

"Thank you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish I could say I'm done torturing our dear Suga, but I'm not. Poor guy, he's had a hell of a week. Good thing Tsukki's here though! Anyway, please feel free to leave a comment about anything you liked or anything you thing I should work on. Thanks!  
> Onyx


	6. The Other Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day after Suga broke his nose from Daichi's perspective.

"Daichi, I don't think he's coming," Asahi admitted, glancing around the third years' normal meeting place. “He looked pretty bad yesterday, and the nurse said he can't practice for at least a week."

Daichi knew that Asahi was right -they had already been waiting an extra ten minutes in hope that the vice-captain would show up. He sighed, finally giving up. Asahi had been the one to go and see Suga the previous day, so the only thing Daichi could do was believe him.

"Just because he's not coming to practice doesn't mean he won't be at school," Asahi said as the two began walking towards the school. "Suga never misses more school than he has to, and since he missed yesterday he'll probably be here today."

"You're right," Daichi mumbled, looking down at his feet. "I'm just worried. I didn't realize it until yesterday, but Koushi really has been acting weird. I wish he would talk to me."

"You know how he is Daichi, he keeps his problems to himself. He's not going to tell you anything unless you ask him first," Asahi told the captain. "I know you don't like to prod, but you're never going to get anywhere by just standing around."

The rest of the trek to school was done in complete silence, both boys stuck in their minds. They arrived at the club room in what seemed like no time at all and changed into their practice gear. Looking around, Daichi was suddenly very glad he had given the key to Ennoshita the previous day, as it seemed like everyone else had already changed and were beginning practice. It was ill-mannered for the captain to be late, but Daichi was sure that his team would understand. When both he and Asahi were ready, they slowly exited the club room and wandered over to the gym.

As they pulled open the heavy metal doors, the rest of the team glanced over at the tardy third years, yet nobody said anything. Daichi was rather pleased that they continued to practice, not giving the two any unwanted attention. As the duo began warming up, it became rather apparent that something was off. Practice was far too quiet, far too somber. Everything the team was doing was only at half strength. Then, for the second time that morning, Daichi was glad to have Ennoshita around. 

"Guys," Ennoshita announced, practice stopping all around him. The team gave him their attention, their eyes a mixture of sadness and curiosity. "I'm just going to go ahead and address the elephant in the room. Sugawara is not here, and frankly I'm not sure if he's coming back at all. I don't know what's going on with him, but it's definitely more than just a broken nose. Right now, though, we need to put our all into practice. We're going to Nationals, finally, after all our effort and hard work, we finally made it. What Suga does is his own decision, but we cannot let that decision ruin our chances of winning."

"And you said you couldn't lead a team," Tanaka joked. It was clear that Ennoshita's talk had changed the atmosphere of the gym. At Tanaka's comment, Ennoshita blushed and rubbed the back of his head. After a few moments of silence, Daichi spoke up.

"Well, you heard him. Let's go."

The remainder of practice went by smoothly thanks to Ennoshita's speech. The amount of focus and effort each player put it was incredible. Yamaguchi didn't miss a single serve, Nishinoya's block receive was improving at an alarming rate, and even Tsukishima was putting everything into his blocks. Despite the feeling of emptiness building inside of Daichi, he worked the hardest of them all. Daichi was proud of his team. It was clear that Suga's absence wasn't just affecting him, and yet his team was able to completely focus on the task at hand. 

"Alright, let's wrap it up," Ukai said, gathering the team around him. "This has been your best practice yet, if we can keep this up then our chances of winning will only keep rising."

"You can't expect us to give our all every practice," Tsukishima remarked, earning a glare from Tanaka.

"You're right," Ukai chuckled. "What I can do, however, is expect you to do as much as you can each and every day. If we can practice like this more often than not, we will have an even better chance at winning than ever."

"Coach, I don't mean to dampen the mood, but what are we going to do about Sugawara-san?" Yamaguchi shyly asked.

"As far as Sugawara goes, I have to agree with Ennoshita. Sugawara is an important part of this team, but if club activities are getting in the way, then that's a problem. In the end, it all comes down to what Sugawara thinks is best for him, and I expect all of you to support him no matter what he decides." Ukai answered, looking around at each member, a serious expression on his face. 

Once they had been excused, Daichi all but ran to the club room. He practically threw on his clothes and sprinted to the front gate. They had finished practice a bit earlier than usual, so Daichi decided to wait for Suga at the gate.

'Is Suga really gonna leave the team?' He wondered. He had accepted that something wasn't right with Suga, but quitting right before Nationals seemed crazy. Sure, he wasn't a regular, but just like Ukai said, Suga was still an important member of the team.

"Do you think he'll do it?" Daichi asked as Asahi approached from behind. 

"Leave?" Asahi questioned. "Maybe. If he thinks he will drag the team down, then he'll probably go without a second thought."

"Nothing he could ever do would hurt the team!" Daichi exclaimed, turning away from the entrance and looking at Asahi.

"I never said he would, that's just how his mind works. If anything, Suga does nothing but help the team," Asahi defended. Daichi sighed, turning back to the crowd of students entering the school.

"He can't leave me…" Daichi muttered under his breath. For the next few minutes, the two third years stood watching for Suga's silver hair in silence, to no avail.

"The bell's gonna ring soon Daichi, we need to go to class," Asahi spoke up sadly. This time, Daichi obediently followed, not bothering to protest.

Despite the loud chatter engulfing the hallways, Daichi felt far away. He could hear the numerous voices as he walked to class, yet they all seemed distant. He heard his classmates wish him a good morning as he entered class, but it didn't feel like they were talking to him. Daichi took his seat and stared blankly at the empty chair in front of him. He missed Suga. He had seen him the day before, but with everything going on Daichi wasn't sure of the last time he had seen the real Suga. According to the rest of the team, Suga had changed after the Shiratorizawa match, so Daichi guessed it had been about a week. Daichi couldn’t help but feel horrible about not noticing sooner. Could he have prevented this if he’d been there earlier?

The first bell rang and everyone took their seats. The only empty seat was directly in front on Daichi. If Suga was missing a second day of class, then whatever was going on was really bad. Out of the corner of his eye, Daichi noticed a familiar head of silver hair enter the classroom. He turned to the figure, relief flooding through him until, that is, he actually saw him.

This person was not Suga. He may have had the same hair, height, and beauty mark, but that was it. The entire center of his face was a deep purple that slowly faded as it stretched along his cheekbones. The rest of his face wasn't Suga's normal cream color, but instead a ghastly white. And his eyes, those were the worst. Suga's normally bright, happy, deep chocolate eyes were nowhere to be seen, they had been replaced by a dull, gray-brown. They were no longer full of life; they were lifeless. Just as Daichi was about to speak up, the final bell rang. Instead, Daichi silently watched as Suga wandered over to sit in front of him. He felt a sudden pang of sadness rush over him when Suga didn't even acknowledge his presence. 

Throughout the entire class period, all of Daichi's attention was on Suga. During normal circumstances, Suga wouldn't let an injury ruin his mood, so why was this time any different? Daichi couldn't help but think back to his first year. The three of them, Daichi, Asahi, and Suga, had been practicing almost nonstop for three weeks; they were determined to help make Karasuno strong again. Despite their senpais' warnings, the three first years worked themselves too hard, resulting in Suga breaking his ankle. Daichi couldn't help but blame himself, as it had been him who had arranged all of the extra practice. Suga had to sit out for two weeks, and it was all his fault. It was obvious to the entire team that Suga practiced the hardest out of everyone, and that only made Daichi feel worse.

"He'll be fine Sawamura." Tashiro told him at practice the next morning. “It might actually be good for him, he needed a break, and he’s been working too hard." Daichi shrugged, looking down at the ball in his hands. If only he hadn't suggested the extra practice, if only he had listened to his senpais'. When the gym doors opened all of those thoughts left him.

There, standing in the doorway, was Suga, smiling as bright as ever. He hobbled into the gym, the boot on his left foot making a loud clack against the polished hardwood. 

"Suga..." Daichi breathed out. Suga looked over at him, his grin widening. 

"Good morning Daichi! I hope you slept well since you're gonna have to practice twice as hard!" Suga cheered.

"Twice as hard..?" Daichi muttered, confused.

"Well somebody has to practice for me!" He joked.

For the two weeks Suga was out, he was still at every single practice. While the team practiced on the court, Suga would sit on the edge of the stage and work on his sets. Suga wasn’t going to let a simple broken ankle get in the way of his practice. By the time he was allowed to go back to regular practice, his sets had drastically improved. 

“Suga…” Daichi began as the two walked home one night. “Why are you practicing so hard? Overworking yourself is what caused you to break your ankle in the first place, but you haven’t slowed down at all.”

“Oh Dai, you’re worried about me,” Suga swooned. “It’s not that I exactly want to practice nonstop, but I am the official setter of Karasuno, so if I’m not doing my best then the team isn’t either. I don’t have the luxury of sitting out to let myself heal.”

“But doesn’t that take the fun out of volleyball? Forcing yourself to play even when you don’t want to?” Daichi asked, looking over at Suga.

“I don’t think volleyball will ever not be fun for me,” He replied longingly. “And I don’t actually mind all of the extra practice, I just meant that there were probably better ways for me to spend my time. As long as club activities don’t interfere with school, I’ll be fine.”

“Just, pace yourself okay? Promise me that if you even think about how volleyball isn’t fun you’ll take a break. Promise me,” Daichi pleaded. Suga gave Daichi a bright smile.

“I promise.”

A sudden movement from in front of him brought Daichi back to the present. Before he could understand what was going on, Suga was gone, the lunch bell chiming in his wake. Where did Suga just run off to? Why was he in such a hurry? Daichi stood up slowly, still trying to comprehend what just happened.

“Daichi, let’s eat outside today! It really feels like spring!” Michimiya cheered as she entered the classroom. Daichi looked over at her, slowly falling out of his daze. 

“Did you happen to see Suga on you way here?” He asked, ignoring Michimiya’s request.

“He’s here?” Asahi asked as he joined the other two. Daichi nodded, signaling to Suga’s bag sitting on the desk in front of him. 

“Where did he go? He always eats lunch with us,” Michimiya wondered aloud, looking around the room.

“I was hoping one of you had seen where he went. He was out the door before the bell even rang,” Daichi admitted.

“Maybe he had to go to the bathroom, or check in with the nurse?” Michimiya offered.

“No, it’s more than that. I think…I think he’s avoiding me,” Daichi realized. Asahi and Michimiya stared at him with startled expressions.

“Why would Suga be avoiding you? You’re his best friend!” Michimiya exclaimed.

“I think he’s avoiding me because I’m his best friend,” Daichi responded. 

“What are you talking about? That doesn’t make any sense,” Michimiya questioned.

“Actually, it makes a lot of sense,” Asahi retaliated. When Michimiya gave him a questioning glance, he continued. “We can all agree that Suga’s been acting odd for a while and none of us know why. Because he and Daichi are close, Suga’s avoiding him because he doesn’t want to be read.”

“Doesn’t want to be read?” Michimiya repeated.

“When you’re around someone long enough, you’re able to pick up on small things that others can’t. I think Suga’s afraid that Daichi will figure out what’s wrong,” Asahi explained.

“Is it really such a bad thing if he knows?” She asked.

“Suga’s not really one to talk about himself, he might be worried about bothering Daichi,” Asahi mentioned.

“I thought he trusted me more than that,” Daichi said, plopping down in his chair. 

“We have no way of knowing if any of this is true Daichi, I’m just trying to make sense of things,” Asahi muttered, glancing down at Daichi.

“Well, we won’t know if he doesn’t tell us. Come on, let’s go,” Michimiya said, pulling the two boys behind her.

“Where are we going? We don’t even know where he went,” Daichi said as they wandered over to the stairs.

“The only option we have is to go everywhere then, isn’t it?” She smiled. They spent the rest of their lunch period searching campus for the silver haired setter, with no luck. Daichi hadn’t expected to find him, if Suga didn’t want to be found he wasn’t going to be. While they were searching, Daichi couldn’t help but smile at his girlfriend. He really appreciated that she was working so hard to help find his best friend. By the time the bell rang, Daichi was sure they had searched the entire campus, yet Suga had not appeared.

“We can always try and catch him after school, so don’t worry!” Michimiya cheered as they parted ways. Daichi nodded at her and walked back to his own class. He wasn’t surprised to notice Suga’s seat was still empty even though everyone else was already seated. Just like that morning, Suga arrived just as the final bell rang, not allowing anytime for conversation. 

Everything about the current Suga was unknown to Daichi, the only thing that was certain was that he was being avoided. The only logical reason he could think of was what Asahi had mentioned earlier, did Suga really not want Daichi to know what was going on? How was Daichi supposed to help if Suga didn’t talk to him? Daichi sighed, his eyes burning holes in the back of Suga’s head. Maybe if he stared hard enough he could read his mind. Daichi wasn’t going to lie, he was frustrated. He and Suga had always been so open with each other, so what changed? Daichi had no clue.

“Sugawara, your nose is bleeding.” He heard sensei say. Daichi turned his attention back to Suga, a worried look on his face. ‘Is he okay?’

“Oh, excuse me. I’ll be right back.” Suga replied, turning to leave the classroom. Although he avoided Daichi’s gaze, Daichi could see enough of his face to be worried. If he thought Suga looked bad this morning, then he looked even worse with fresh blood dripping down his face.

“Class is over in a few minutes, why don’t you just go ahead a leave.” Sensei suggested. Suga turned back to his desk and grabbed his bag, nodding in response. 

The rest of class went painfully slow for Daichi, how was he supposed to catch up with Suga if he was already gone? Hopefully Michimiya would be fast enough since her classroom was nearest the stairs. Daichi knew that he could count on her to catch him, once her mind was made up about something, there was no going back. 

At long last, the bell finally rang, and this time Daichi was ready. He bolted up out of his chair and into the hallway. He looked around, trying to find Suga’s familiar silver hair, but he couldn’t find it. He decided to go to the north staircase; it was the closest to the bathrooms so it was the most likely way Suga would have left. As he got closer, Daichi heard a familiar voice. He rushed over, pushing past all the people who had stopped to watch whatever was going on.

“I said DON’T CALL ME THAT!” He heard Suga yell, his voice echoing in the almost silent hallway. Who was he talking to?

“Sugawara, what’s going on with you? Are you-“Michimiya began. Daichi froze, why was Suga yelling at Yui? She was just trying to help after all. By this time Daichi had made it over to her and noticed Suga was about halfway down the stairs, a death glare directed at Michimiya.

“No, I'm not okay. I haven't been okay, and I'm not going to be okay. Why can't you just accept that? Why doesn't anyone understand I don't need help, I don't want help! Just LEAVE ME ALONE." He snapped as he turned away, beginning his descent. For a split second, Daichi was frozen in place. He needed to say something, anything, but he couldn’t move. 

“Koushi,” He began, walking over to the edge of the stairs. “What’s going on? I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me.” He said softly. Suga stopped in his tracks and turned around slowly, giving Daichi the deadliest look he had ever seen. Daichi shuddered, he didn’t even know Suga could pull of that kind of look.

“Why can’t you take a hint Daichi, I don’t need your help and I don’t need you.” And with that, Suga left, never looking back. Daichi stood frozen, shock written on his face. He felt himself backing up until he was flat against a wall. He slowly slid down until he was sitting on the cool, hard floor. All around him the other third years stood in silence, looking between Daichi and the staircase. Daichi felt numb, his best friend had just told him he wasn’t needed. Those words and that face didn’t fit Suga, whoever that was was not the sweet yet cunning Koushi Daichi had met in his first year, it was someone else entirely. 

“Daichi.” Michimiya said, kneeling in front of Daichi. “Are you okay?” Daichi shook his head, not trusting his voice to answer. “Here, let’s go to the club room, you’ll have more privacy there.”

The walk to the club room was a blur, Daichi’s head was spinning too much to notice anything. His thoughts were filled with Suga, but none of them made sense. He felt like the answer was obvious, but no matter what he did nothing fit. What had happened since the end of the Shiratorizawa match that had affected Suga this much? He felt like it was right in front of him, yet he couldn’t reach it. 

When he came back to the present, he was sitting in the club room, surrounded by his teammates. Michimiya was gone and Asahi was in the middle of explaining the lunch incident to everyone else. 

“What are we missing?” Daichi asked no one in particular.

“What do you mean?” Tanaka questioned, everyone’s’ attention now on Daichi. 

“What happened since the match to make Suga like this? I feel like it’s obvious, so why can’t I figure it out?” Daichi asked, looking around at his teammates. He stopped for a brief moment when he reached Tsukishima, his eyes flashing what appeared to be guilt. It was over too quickly for Daichi to get a clear read on it, so he decided it was probably nothing. 

“We have no way of knowing unless he tells us himself.” Ennoshita replied. “He wouldn’t be acting like this if it was something volleyball related, and if it was we would have figured it out by now. He played wonderfully during the match and didn’t show any significant changes during practices afterwards. I hate to be the one to say it, but none of us really know much about Sugawara outside of volleyball.”

“If I may.” Tsukishima said, waiting for permission to speak. When Ennoshita nodded at him, he began. “I don’t think there is anything any of us can do about this. Whatever it is that’s going on he needs to figure it out himself. He knows that we are here if he needs us, but I think we should hold back until he comes to us.” Daichi wasn’t sure why, but he got the feeling that Tsukishima knew something. Sure, he was probably right about hanging back until Suga came to them, but something felt off about Tsukishima saying that. Daichi felt uneasy, there was no way that Suga would go to Tsukishima instead of him right?

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” Asahi agreed. “Are you fine for practice today Daichi? Because we should probably start soon.” Daichi smiled, he was grateful that Asahi had given him an escape from his thoughts. 

“Yeah, we have a practice match against Johzenji on Sunday we need to prepare for. Hurry up and change then we’ll meet in the gym.” 

Volleyball was always a great escape from reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually wanted to write through the practice match in this chapter, but once I started writing I couldn't stop. This is the longest chapter I've written so far anyway, so the next chapter will cover the practice match. Shout out to Johzenji by the way; I'm not sure why I chose them, but oh well. Please feel free to leave comments, I really do love reading them!   
> Onyx


	7. A Crack in the Foundation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the day of the practice match and nobody can stop thinking about Suga

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, there will not be a new chapter of this story next week. I am currently working on a Haikyuu!! one shot that I will post on Sunday instead. Regular updates will be back on February 26.  
> Next, if you haven't seen it yet, I published a KageHina fic called Leap of Faith earlier this week, so if you like that kind of thing go check it out!  
> Finally, thanks to Georgia for editing every week!

Much to Daichi’s surprise, the rest of the week went by rather quickly. He focused all of his energy on school and volleyball- working impossibly hard to keep thoughts of Suga out of his mind. It was difficult for Daichi to ignore the empty seat in front of him, but he was coping. Nobody had heard from Suga since Tuesday, so it goes without saying they were all a bit worried. Following Tsukishima’s advice, Daichi hadn’t tried to contact Suga; he just had to trust that Suga would come to him when he was ready. The rest of the team had tried to contact him, but there was never an answer. As concerned as everyone was, they were all still able to focus wholeheartedly on practice. They had beaten Johzenji during the spring tournament, but this practice match was not going to be easy. Johzenji was a team in the middle of an incredible evolution; they were fast learners and weren’t afraid to try new things. Compared to Nekoma, Johzenji was a completely different species. Daichi was actually shocked by how many teams were trying to set up practice matches with Karasuno; this definitely wasn’t possible a year ago.

“Morning Daichi,” Asahi greeted as he reached their normal meeting spot. It was 8:45am on Sunday, the day of the practice match. The match wasn’t scheduled to begin until 11am, but Ukai had instructed the team to arrive closer to 9am. 

“You ready?” Daichi questioned, poking the ace in the side. 

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” Asahi laughed. They continued their walk in silence, the only sound coming from the various crows flying around. 

“Asahi…” Daichi began as they started up the hill. Asahi looked over at him curiously. “Do you think he’ll come?”

“No, I don’t. I’m sure he wants to support us, but I don’t think he’s quite ready to come back,” Asahi answered. 

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Daichi confessed. “How long do you think it will be?”

“Only time will tell. Since we still don’t know what’s going on, we just have to wait until Suga figures it out,” Asahi responded, looking back towards the school. 

“Hey Asahi,” Daichi blurted, staring at the ground.

“Hmm?” Asahi hummed. 

“Do you mind if I come over after the match?” he asked. Although he didn’t directly say it, they both knew what that question really meant.

“Of course.”

The rest of the walk consisted of silence with the occasional small talk. They both knew what Daichi really wanted to talk about, but that would have to wait until after the match.

“ASAHI!!!” Noya screamed as the third year duo entered the club room. Asahi blushed slightly and waved, too flustered to respond. The rest of the team laughed, a light mood engulfing the room.

“Is everyone here?” Daichi wondered aloud as he looked around the room.

“Well, everyone who is supposed to be here is,” Ennoshita retorted.

Unease filled the room when Ennoshita spoke. Although practices had gone well, there was still that looming feeling of Suga’s absence. Daichi felt bad for bringing Suga up before the match, but he really hadn’t meant to.

“Let’s hurry and set up the gym. Johzenji should be here in about an hour,” Daichi instructed. The team nodded in response. Most of them were already done changing, so Ennoshita lead everyone towards the gym, leaving Daichi, Asahi, and Tsukishima alone in the club room. 

“Sawamura-san, do you mind if Yamaguchi holds onto my phone during the match? I’m expecting an important call,” Tsukishima explained. 

“If it’s really that important I don’t mind, just make sure to check with Coach Ukai,” Daichi responded. Tsukishima nodded and walked out, leaving Daichi and Asahi alone.

“What do you think is so important he put it above volleyball?” Asahi wondered as he tied his shoes.

“I’m not sure, but whatever it is must be really important,” Daichi agreed. Once the two of them were ready, they left the club room and went to the gym. By the time they got there the rest of the team had already finished setting up.

“Ah, Sawamura, Azumane, come join is,” Ukai called. The team was sitting around Ukai, most likely going over the game plan.

“Sorry we’re late,” Daichi apologized when they joined the team. 

“Not at all. Anyway, I’m going to try something a little different today,” Ukai stated. 

“What do you mean?” Tanaka questioned.

“If our recent games have taught us anything it’s that injuries can happen at any time. I want to start with the B team and switch players in and out constantly. So with that being said, our starting lineup will be Ennoshita, Kinoshita, and Yamaguchi as wing spikers, Narita and Tsukishima as middle blockers, and Kageyama as setter. I honestly would have liked Sugawara to play setter, but this will work fine. Oh, and let’s use the rotation with Yamaguchi serving first,” Ukai finished. The team shifted uncomfortably at the mention of Suga. Sensing the change in atmosphere, Daichi stood up, his teammates following him with their eyes.

“Let’s start on warm-ups,” Daichi instructed as he headed towards the court, the rest following. They started with basic warm-ups and were working on receives when Daichi heard the heavy gym door screech open. 

“Aye, Karasuno, how’s it hangin?” Terushima, the Johzenji captain, yelled as he entered the gym.

“Terushima, it’s been awhile. We’re doing alright, you?” Daichi replied. 

“Just swell my dude,” Terushima grinned.

“We really appreciate you guys coming,” Daichi told him.

“Not a problem, it’ll be good practice anyway. We’re just glad you had time for us,” he quipped. 

“We’ll always make time for a good practice match. Feel free to go ahead and warm up, we’ll start in about 20 minutes,” Daichi told their captain. 

“Will do my man. Let’s go,” He informed his team. 

“Those guys really are something else,” Asahi mumbled as he stretched. 

“I’m so excited! This is gonna be such an awesome match!” Hinata cheered.

“Oi, dumbass, quit yelling,” Kageyama muttered, a small smile on his face.

“You guys seem to be doing better than before,” Yamaguchi pointed out. The two of them looked away, a light blush on their faces.

“Tanaka you owe me 20 bucks,” Ennoshita smirked.

“But they haven’t admitted anything yet!” Tanaka argued. 

“What are you guys going on about?” Daichi inquired, looking between the two second years.

“I bet Tanaka $20 that Kageyama and Hinata would get together before Nationals,” Ennoshita explained.

“Wha? What?” Hinata stuttered, his face turning a deep red. 

“Dumbass…” Kageyama mumbled. 

“Am I wrong?” Ennoshita demanded, his arms crossed over his chest. 

“We never said that,” Hinata muttered quietly.

“So I’m right,” Ennoshita stated. When neither Kageyama nor Hinata responded, everyone knew Ennoshita was right.

“Wow, congrats guys! That’s awesome!” Daichi praised.

“Damn you…” Tanaka groaned as he went over to get the cash from his bag.

“Gross,” Tsukishima complained.

“It’s not gross Stingyshima!” Hinata protested.

“It is when it’s you. And don’t make up weird nicknames for me,” Tsukishima grumbled.

“It looks like Johzenji is about ready. Should we start?” Yamaguchi inquired. 

“Probably. Bring it in everybody. Karasuno FIGHT!” Daichi roared, the rest of the team following suit. Both teams got into position, competition glinting in their eyes.

“Bring it on Karasuno!” Terushima yelled excitedly. This was going to be a fun game.

“Shimizu-senpai, would you mind holding onto my phone during this set?” Tsukishima asked the third year. Shimizu nodded and took the phone from him, putting it in her pocket. “If it rings pull me out, okay?” Tsukishima instructed. Without waiting for a response, he took his position on the court. 

“I really can’t think of anything that Tsukishima would willingly leave a game for,” Daichi wondered aloud.

“He was acting kinda weird last week,” Hinata admitted, his eyes following the ball.

“Like, Suga weird?” Tanaka proposed, looked at Hinata with wide eyes.

“No, more like he’s worried about something. He’d never admit it though,” Hinata answered, still not looking away from the game. 

“Well, whatever it is, I hope it works out,” Asahi stated. The others nodded in agreement, turning their attention back to the court. Karasuno had just reached the 20 point mark, an important moment in the game. The match had been pretty back and forth, but Karasuno managed a 25-21 win. 

“Kinoshita, you’ve been holding back on us!” Tanaka yelled as he slapped him on the back. Kinoshita smiled and shrugged, almost falling over when Noya decided to jump on his back.

“Not gonna lie, I’m impressed. Great job out there,” Ukai praised. “We’re going back to the usual starting lineup for this set, but everybody needs to be ready to go in at any time.”

“Good job Kageyama!” Hinata cheered as he smiled up at the taller boy.

“Tch,” Tsukishima clicked, a scowl on his face.

“Don’t click your tongue!” Hinata shouted at him. Tsukishima ignored him and went over to Shimizu, who handed him his phone.

“Nothing huh?” He muttered, glancing down at the screen. 

“Whatcha waitin for Tsukishima?” Hinata pried, forgetting about their previous argument.

“Nothing to concern yourself over,” Tsukishima replied shortly. 

“Did he say he would call today?” Yamaguchi asked him.

“No, he never said he would call. I don’t actually expect him to, I just want to be ready in case he does,” Tsukishima admitted.

“Who?” Hinata demanded curiously, bouncing up and down.

“Nobody,” Tsukishima answered, clearly not wanted to talk about it. 

“Guys, come on, we have another set to play,” Daichi scolded. 

“Yamaguchi,” Tsukishima began, handing Yamaguchi his phone.

“I know,” he interrupted, pushing Tsukishima onto the court. 

Compared to the last set, this set just seemed unfair. The previous set was awfully close, both teams switching between who was ahead. This set however, was clearly Karasuno’s. In what seemed like no time at all the score was already 15-5, Karasuno leading. 

Daichi smiled as he went to the back of the court, preparing his serve. Just as he was about to serve, Tsukishima’s phone started ringing.

“Hello?” Yamaguchi spoke into the receiver. After a slight pause, he continued. “He’s in the middle of a practice match. Can I ask who this is? Tsukki told me to take any calls he got but I forgot to look at the caller ID,” Yamaguchi admitted.

“Stupid,” Tsukishima muttered, watching Yamaguchi on the sidelines. Although they were supposed to carry on with the match, the entire gym was silent waiting to figure out if this was the important call Tsukishima had been waiting for.

“Sugawara-san? Hold on one second,” Yamaguchi urged. The entire atmosphere of the gym changed at the mention of Suga. 

‘Why is Suga calling Tsukishima?’ Daichi wondered, the volleyball forgotten in his hands. Tsukishima ran over and took his phone, quickly putting it up to his ear.  
“Sugawara, it’s Tsukishima. What’s up?” He asked as he tried to catch his breath. He paused for Suga’s response before responding himself. “No, it’s fine. I’ve actually been waiting for you to call. I wasn’t sure if you would, but I wanted to be available just in case.” After a brief moment of silence, Tsukishima moved the phone from his mouth and addressed his team.

“I have to go, good luck,” he panted, rushing out of the gym. The moments seemed to stretch as Daichi tried to make sense of the situation. 

“Yamaguchi,” Daichi started, looking over at the first year. “Was that the call Tsukishima had been waiting for?” Daichi wasn’t sure why he asked, he already knew the answer; he supposed it was because part of him wished it wasn’t true. 

“Yeah, we followed Suga during lunch on Tuesday and they ended up talking, they actually have a lot in common. I’m not exactly sure what they talked about though, I thought it was best to leave them alone,” he admitted. 

‘So he was with Tsukishima on Tuesday?’ Daichi thought. He was hurt by the thought that Suga would lean on Tsukishima rather than him, but maybe he was reading the situation wrong.

“Excuse me,” a female voice spoke from the doorway. Daichi looked over at the woman. She was average height and had shoulder length, honey colored hair.   
“Can I help you?” Ukai asked, walking over to her.

“This is the volleyball club correct?” She inquired, glancing around the room.

“Yes, I’m the coach, Ukai Keishin. What can I do for you?” He responded.

“This isn’t easy for me to say, but I need to take my son off of your team.” She informed them, her oddly familiar brown eyes glinting sadly.

“Can I ask who your son is?” Ukai questioned, although everyone in the room already knew the answer.

“Sugawara Koushi.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I know, how dare I pull Suga from the team...oops. I'm going to be completely honest with everyone, I have no idea where this story is going, I just kind of write it..I've probably said that before but that's just how I write. The next chapter, which will be posted two weeks from today (February 12) will be back with Suga, so stay tuned! Also, thank you to everyone who has left kudos/comments/etc. I really appreciate it!  
> Onyx


	8. The First Step

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suga realizes what the problem is, but what now?

Suga’s mind was a mess. He needed to talk about what was going on, but if he was being completely honest, he had no idea himself. Tsukishima would be here any minute, and although Suga had spent the entire half hour since the call trying to figure out what was going through his mind, he still didn’t have an answer. A sudden knock on the door alerted him that he was out of time. Suga grunted as he pushed himself up off of the floor, his body weak from lack of nutrients. He padded down the hallway and opened the door.

“Wow,” Tsukishima muttered, a startled expression on his face. “I expected you to look bad Sugawara-san, but I didn’t expect you to look half dead.”

“I don’t feel too bad; I don’t really feel anything to be honest,” Suga admitted, moving aside to let him in. “And Suga’s fine, no need to be formal.”

“Didn’t you get mad at the girls’ captain for calling you that?” he asked, kicking his shoes off. Suga stiffened, why did that bother him so much?

“Yeah…I-I don’t know. I don’t understand what’s been going on with me lately,” he sighed, leading the middle blocker to his bedroom. He stopped and sat down, his back against the bed. Tsukishima sat against the adjacent wall, body facing the vice-captain. 

“Little things that have never mattered before are suddenly driving me crazy. Michimiya calls me Suga all the time, but now the thought of it makes me want to scream. I’ve been friends with her for years, but recently everything about her annoys me,” Suga explained quickly, breathing heavily once he finished.

“What about Sawamura?” Tsukishima asked, his voice monotone.

“Daichi?” Suga laughed breathlessly. “It doesn’t matter, he probably hates me now. God, I ruined everything.”

“Why would he hate you, because you blew up on him once? Suga, you should know better than anyone that he would never leave because of that,” Tsukishima told him. 

“But,” Suga began, looking down at the carpet, “he hasn’t called me or come over; he always does that when he thinks something’s wrong.”

“That’s what you’re worried about?” Tsukishima asked in disbelief. “He wanted to more than anyone. I’m the one who told him not to.”

“You told him not to?” Suga repeated. “Why?”

“I just told him to wait until you came to him. And even if he did contact you, would you have responded?” he accused. Suga pursed his lips and continued to stare at the floor, confirming what Tsukishima had accused was correct.

“I feel like he’s the person I need to talk to the most, but I can’t,” Suga admitted.

“And why is that?” Tsukishima asked.

“I don’t know. For some reason, I’m scared,” he said quietly, playing with the carpet. 

“I think I have a pretty good idea of what’s going on,” Tsukishima expressed, leaning his head against the wall.

“What?!?” Suga exclaimed, throwing his head up to look at the younger boy.

“Well, let’s go back to the cause. You started feeling like this the day of the Shiratorizawa match, right?” Tsukishima wondered.

“Yeah,” Suga confirmed. “But it didn’t start until after the match, I felt fine during.”

“”So, we just have to focus on what happened after the game then,” Tsukishima suggested. Suga furrowed his brow, what did happen after the game?

“We went out to eat then went back to the gym to talk about the match,” he recounted, nothing really standing out.

“Sugawara,” Tsukishima sighed, “I think you’re trying too hard to forget.”

“Forget?” Suga muttered, still unsure what Tsukishima was implying.

“What happened right after the match, before we even got onto the bus?” Tsukishima ushered, looking into his eyes. Realization hit Suga like a truck; he felt his eyes widen at the thought.

“Oh,” he replied slowly. “But why? I don’t understand, what does that have to do with anything? Why did that cause me to spiral out of control? Am I really this depressed because Daichi is dating Michimiya?” 

“You tell me,” Tsukishima challenged. “How do you feel when the two of them are together?” 

“I hate it,” Suga barked, not missing a beat. “I hate the way he looks at her. I want to scream and cry every time their touches linger. I just- oh my God.”

“What?” Tsukishima asked although he already knew what was going through Suga’s mind.

“Am I….Do I….Oh my God,” Suga realized, his breaths becoming shallow. He pulled his knees to his chest and shut his eyes, rocking slowly. 

“Suga?” Tsukishima asked, his voice full of worry. When he didn’t get a response, he moved away from the wall and in front of Suga. He crouched on his knees and put his hands on Suga’s shoulders.

“Suga, look at me. I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere. Take some deep breaths with me, okay? Breathe in – two, three, four- and out – two, three, four. Good, again. In and out. You’re doing a great job,” he coached. Suga breathed along with him, trying hard to calm down.

“What’s happening to me?” Suga cried, falling forward into Tsukishima’s chest. Tsukishima wrapped his arms around the other boy comfortingly. 

“You’re having a panic attack. The only thing you can do now is try and calm down,” Tsukishima soothed. “Do you have these often?”

Suga shook his head. “I’ve only ever had one before now, and that was when I came home on Monday,” he admitted.

“After your nose,” Tsukishima recounted. “You’re strong Suga, really strong.”

“Strong?” Suga let out a breathy laugh. “I’m crying into your chest because I realized I’m in love with my best friend, that’s hardly strength.”

“Suga, you lasted two weeks and a broken nose, most people wouldn’t even last a day. That’s strength to me,” Tsukishima explained.

“Thank you,” Suga said, pulling away. He wiped his eyes with the back of his sleeve; wiping away the tears but keeping the puffiness. Tsukishima opened his mouth to reply, but was cut short by the violent vibrations of his phone.

“Who is it?” Suga asked, seeing the confused look on Tsukishima’s face.

“It’s Yamaguchi. He never calls me unless it’s important, and he knows I’m here, so it must be something big,” he explained.

“If that’s the case, then you should answer it,” Suga ushered. Tsukishima nodded before bringing the phone to his ear.

“Yamaguchi,” he answered simply. Suga heard rambling from the other end.

“Hey, Tadashi, slow down. What’s the problem?” Tsukishima asked into the phone.

“She did what?” Tsukishima muttered in disbelief. After getting some sort of confirmation, he turned to Suga. “Did you know?” he demanded.

“Did I know what?” Suga repeated, confused.

“That your mom went to Karasuno to take you off the team,” Tsukishima responded, his voice trying to stay steady.

Suga froze. His mother had taken him off the volleyball team. Why would she do that? Nationals were a mere three weeks away; something he had been working towards for years. Suga knew his parents would rather him spend his time studying, but he thought now that his mom was patching things up that they would be more accepting. Why, after three years of high school, did she take him out now? Kageyama would be away at camp next week, so Suga was needed now more than ever. 

“I’ll be right back,” Suga announced, standing up. Ignoring the confused look from Tsukishima, he went into the bathroom and looked at his reflection. Tsukishima wasn’t kidding; he really did look half dead. Suga sighed before he got to work. He washed his face carefully, being incredibly gentle around his nose, and brushed his hair. The center of his face was still bruised and the dark circles were still visible under his eyes, but he did look better. He felt Tsukishima’s confused gaze still on him as he went to his closet to get dressed. 

“Come on,” Suga said, zipping up his jacket and walking towards the door.

“Where are we going?” Tsukishima questioned, standing up and following the third year. 

“School. We can be there in five minutes if we run,” Suga explained as he threw his shoes on.

“Are you sure you’re okay to do this?” Tsukishima asked before putting his own shoes on.

“I don’t really have a choice right now,” Suga shrugged as he opened the door. All that was on his mind was getting to school, nothing else seemed to matter at that point in time. Suga was in a hurry, so he was thankful when Tsukishima followed him outside, not asking any more questions. Taking a deep breath, Suga looked back at Tsukishima before running.

He missed this, the cool air rushing by him, the slight scream of his lungs; it felt good. The sound of Tsukishima’s strides were behind him, giving him a small sense of comfort. Once they were about halfway to the school, all of the joy of running was gone; the past week catching up with him. Every step he took caused his head to rattle, sprouting up a massive headache. He was dizzy since he had done nothing but sleep for the past few days. Suga regretted not eating, but he was thankful at the same time; if he had anything in his stomach he was sure it would just come back up. His drive, however, didn’t falter, so he ignored the pain and pushed forward. 

“Are you okay?” Tsukishima asked him as soon as they reached the gate. Suga nodded, his hands on his knees. He couldn’t help but note that while he was completely out of breath, Tsukishima was breathing normally. Suga stood still for a moment, catching his breath, before walking towards the gym.

“I’ve never seen someone like this,” he heard his mother’s voice as he approached the doors. “I just got back today, but I don’t think he’s moved in the past week.”

“But, Suga’s worked so hard to get to nationals,” Hinata’s voice started but was quickly cut off, most likely by look Kageyama gave him. 

“I know, he loves volleyball and his team so much, but, he’s just so broken,” his mother’s voice hitched. By now, Suga was standing in the doorway, Tsukishima right behind him. Johzenji was gone, all signs of a match gone, and his team was huddled in the center of the gym, surrounding his mother and Ukai. Nobody seemed to notice the newcomers.

“You’re sure this is the best option?” Ukai asked her, a serious expression on his face. His teammates all looking at his mother, worry and anticipation in their eyes.

“No,” Suga spoke up. The sound of his voice caused every head to turn towards him.

“Koushi, hun, what are you doing here?” his mother asked him softly.

“I understand that you think this is what’s best for me, but please don’t take this away from me,” Suga begged, not moving from the doorway.

“For someone who hasn’t moved for a week, he has to be pretty passionate since he ran all the way here,” Tsukishima backed him up. Everyone’s eyes widened at that comment.

“You…ran here?” Asahi questioned, trying to figure out if he’d heard correctly.

“I wasn’t sure how much time I had,” Suga admitted. He was glad Tsukishima left out the part where he had be completely out of breath.

“Koushi-“his mother began, stopping when Suga held up his hand.

“I know. I’m not exactly better, but I understand what’s going on now. I need volleyball mom, I need my team,” Suga said, his voice firm. He could tell his mother was conflicted, but something deep within him already knew he had won this battle.

“Okay,” she smiled slightly. “For how much effort you put in to stop me, I can’t say no.” Suga grinned, thankful she understood just how important this was to him. “Let me know when you’re done here,” she said, exiting the gym.

“I, uh, have to get to work. Nice job today,” Ukai muttered awkwardly, shuffling out the door.

Alone in the gym with his team, who he had been avoiding for the past week, Suga was suddenly very nervous. He had rushed out of his house to stop his mother, he hadn’t really planned on what would happen after that. He looked down at his feet, feeling the heavy gazes of his team. Suddenly, a firm hand grasped his shoulder and he looked up. Tsukishima didn’t have to say anything, Suga already knew. He didn’t have to come clean now if he wasn’t ready; the team would understand. Suga sighed and looked up, scanning the familiar faces.

“Um, I guess I have some explaining to do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey look, a chapter where I didn't (exactly) torture any of my darlings <3 Anyway, I do apologize for not updating last week, but I did happen to write a Bokuto x Kenma soulmate AU that did a lot better than I thought it would. In the past week I have finally figured out exactly where I'm going with this story, and while I know we have a decent amount of chapters left, I still don't have an actually number. I really appreciate all of the support and feedback I've received, you really have no idea how much it means to me. Oh, and if anyone has any desire to talk to me, I have a tumblr! Send me some writing prompts or rant to me about how much you hate Teresa from your math class, I don't care.   
> Onyx  
> https://thegoldenonyx.tumblr.com/


	9. Birds of a Feather

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suga and his team discuss what happened

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's still Sunday here so this isn't late! This chapter was kinda hard for me to write so I finished it late, oops.

Saying he was terrified was a bit of an understatement. Here he was, surrounded by his teammates, all of whom he had been avoiding for the past week. Suga knew that he owed them an explanation, but he was stuck; he didn’t know what to say. The only realization he had come to in the past week was that he was in love with his best friend; a realization he wasn’t planning on sharing anytime soon. They were all watching him, waiting for him to explain what the hell was going on; but once again, Suga didn’t have any answers. 

“If you’re not ready to tell us then that’s fine, but don’t try and give us some half assed excuse,” Daichi scoffed, annoyance with a hint of worry in his voice. Suga shuddered, nodding at the ground.

“I just, need a minute,” Suga muttered softly. He needed to say something, but whatever it was had to have some truth behind it. 

“Suga,” Tsukishima spoke from behind him. Suga shook his head, the motion enough to stop the thought.

“No I…I need to do this,” he concluded, lifting his head. He looked around at his teammates, stopping when he reached Kageyama and Hinata, both of whom were staring at the ground.

“Hinata,” Suga began, his voice soft. “I don’t blame you for what happened, I hope you know that. Or you, Kageyama. If anything, I’m glad it was me rather than you.”

“How can you say that?” Hinata asked sharply, his head snapping up. “How can you just be okay with everything?”

 

“I’m not okay with it though. I’m not exactly thrilled that my nose is broken, but I’d rather it be me than Kageyama,” Suga shot back.

“Why? I’m no more important to the team than you are,” Kageyama wondered.

“Well that’s not exactly true now is it?” Suga chuckled. Everyone jerked their heads to Suga, speechless over what his just admitted. “I appreciate you saying that, I really do, but it’s not quite that simple,” Suga finished. 

“Don’t you dare tell me you’re not important to this team Sugawara,” Daichi fumed, obviously fed up. Suga tensed at the use of his name, but he refused to let anyone see.

“Originally that’s exactly what I would have told you. After taking this week to think and talk to Tsukishima, I’ve realized that I am important, just in a different way. I’m more important in the team aspect rather than the game aspect,” Suga explained.

“Suga-“Asahi began before being stopped by Suga.

“Don’t argue with me about this. This is the conclusion I’ve come to and I’m content with it,” Suga replied, his voice firm. 

“Did you, um, step between us because you knew what was going to happen?” Kageyama asked quietly. 

“No, there was no way I could have known. I was just tired of you guys ignoring me. Nothing I said made any impact, I just knew that if you couldn’t hear me you would just have to see me,” Suga responded. Kageyama and Hinata both hung their heads in shame, earning a slight chuckle from Suga. 

“Why didn’t you feel important?” Daichi muttered sadly. Suga froze, he wasn’t ready to face Daichi yet. Sure, Daichi had been vocal, but Suga had yet to actually look at him, instead he focused on the ground or Hinata and Kageyama, never Daichi. He let out a quiet but shaky breath and looked into Daichi’s eyes, a small smile on his face. As soon as his eyes caught Daichi’s dark, mocha eyes, his façade almost completely crumbled. In that moment, he wanted to spill everything. He wanted to tell Daichi how he felt; how he’s been in love with him for he knows how long. He wanted to tell Daichi that his moods and outbursts were caused by the realization that he loved him, but he was unattainable. He wanted to tell Daichi to break up with Michimiya, and more than anything he wanted Daichi to feel the same. In this moment, Suga concluded one thing; Daichi could never know. He can never know the real reason Suga blew up on him, he can never know what’s truly going on in Suga’s head. The most important, however, is that Daichi can never know that Suga was undoubtedly and irreversibly in love with him. 

Suga swallowed, trying to ignore the eyes he was longingly staring into. “I just felt, extra I guess. I’m always the one helping everyone else. I felt like all I did was give, but I never received anything.”

“Suga, is that really how you feel?” Noya asked, his eyebrows smashed together in a mixture of confusion and worry.

“No, not anymore. It’s kinda like I said before, I’m more important as a supporter. I don’t mind spending my time helping you guys get better, if it helps the team, than it’s good enough for me,” Suga stated. 

“What can we do for you in return?” Ennoshita asked, the rest of the team nodding in agreement.

“I would rather nothing change. I enjoy seeing the team grow and improve, and if I can help that happen than that’s all I can hope for,” Suga smiled.

“No,” Daichi said sternly, causing everybody to look at him startled. “You don’t get to shut yourself out for a week than tell us you want nothing to change. Let us help you.”

“If I may,” Tsukishima spoke, his voice loud. He had yet to leave his position behind Suga, and the setter was grateful. Suga was glad Tsukishima was there for him.

“It seemed to me at least that the problem did not lie with how we did things, but rather how Suga interpreted them. Now that he has a different mindset, things should be fairly simple to revert back to normal,” Tsukishima explained, adjusting his glasses.

“He’s saying that Sugawara just needed to look at things differently,” Yamaguchi clarified when he saw the look of confusion on Hinata’s face. 

“Sorry, I forgot you’re better with small things,” Tsukishima smirked.

“Hey! Don’t bring my height into this,” Hinata complained.

“Are you sure this is okay?” Asahi asked, bringing the conversation back. 

“Yeah, I’ve had more than enough time to think about it. Oh, and I can’t practice again until Wednesday, but I’ll be here to do what I can tomorrow,” Suga grinned.

“You better!” Tanaka cheered, smacking Suga on the back. He winced slightly, but he was just happy to have this sense of normality back.

“I know!” Noya yelled, jumping on Tanaka’s back. “Let’s go get meat buns!” The rest of the team voiced their agreement and turned to Suga expectantly. 

“I guess one won’t hurt,” Suga shrugged happily. The team cheered and raced out of the already clean gym. Only Suga, Daichi, Tsukishima, and Yamaguchi remained. 

“Suga, are you sure this is a good idea?” Tsukishima asked. Suga could feel Daichi’s confused eyes on him as he answered.

“One should be fine, I need to eat anyway,” he replied.

“Your stomach shrinks the longer you go without eating,” Tsukishima shared. With this, Suga knew Daichi was staring at his wide-eyed.

“Suga-“he began, quickly getting cut off.

“Let’s not keep them waiting,” Suga smiled, turning out the door. He couldn’t stand by and listen to Daichi worry about him, it hurt too much. He decided that no matter what, Daichi would never know of his feelings. If that meant stepping away for a bit until he got it under control, than that’s exactly what Suga would do. 

The cool evening air welcomed Suga, it had been a while since he had last felt it. He took a deep breath and smiled; this was how things were supposed to be. Walking to Ukai’s family store for meat buns after volleyball, that was normal. Suga missed this, he missed the team, his friends, everything. 

“Took you long enough!” Tanaka roared as they reached the store. Ennoshita, bless him, had already bought the various meat buns, and everybody was waiting patiently for the rest of the team to arrive.

“Since when do you wait for us before you eat?” Suga chuckled, earning a large grin from Noya.

“This is a onetime thing, no doubt about it,” Noya bellowed, handing one of the bags to Suga and the other to Daichi. Suga grabbed one and handed the bag to Tsukishima, who gave him a worried look before grabbed one for himself. Suga turned towards the large group, munching on his meat bun while listening to his kouhais’ conversations.

“We can totally do it!” Tanaka yelled playfully at Ennoshita, who in turn rolled his eyes.

“Have some faith! Hinata, Tanka and I can totally be rappers, right?” Noya asked Hinata with wide eyes.

“That’d be so cool! Like gwaaahh!” Hinata answered, bouncing up and down.

“That doesn’t even make sense,” Tsukishima muttered from Suga’s left, causing Yamaguchi to snicker. Suga was too invested in his surroundings that he didn’t notice himself reaching for a second meat bun, which he scarfed down almost instantly. He would regret that later.

“Alright, finish up and go home. Get some rest and I’ll see you at 7 for practice,” Daichi said in his captain voice. The team nodded and finished, saying their goodbyes as they all parted ways. All that remained was Suga, Daichi, and Tsukishima; Yamaguchi had decided to go with Hinata and Kageyama, probably because he figured Suga and Tsukishima still had things to discuss. Now, to get rid of Daichi.

“Go ahead without me Daichi, I’ll see you at practice tomorrow,” Suga smiled, trying to make it seem like he wasn’t trying to get rid of him. 

“Oh, yeah okay. I’ll meet you in the normal spot then,” Daichi muttered, thrown off. Suga felt bad, he did, but he needed to do this. He stood and watched Daichi walk until he turned the corner, out of sight. He felt bad, but this time for a completely different reason. Suga ran into the alley behind the store and fell forward, landing hard on his knees. He shouldn’t have eaten that other meat bun.   
“I told you to be careful,” Tsukishima muttered, leaning against the store wall. Suga wiped his mouth and sat up, a wave of nausea coming over him. 

“I’m going to be sick,” he mumbled, clutching his stomach.

“A little late for that,” Tsukishima teased, walking over to help Suga stand up. Suga tried grabbing onto Tsukishima’s hand, then arm, then shoulder, and eventually gave up; his legs hated him. Tsukishima sighed and turned around, crouching down. Suga smiled sluggishly before wrapping his arms around the taller boy’s neck.

“You overdid it,” Tsukishima uttered as he began walking. 

“Yeah, I guess I did,” Suga sighed, leaning his head on Tsukishima’s shoulder. They stayed like that for a few blocks, the only sound Tsukishima’s soft footsteps. Suga found himself almost falling asleep a few times.

“Unappreciated huh?” Tsukishima asked after a while.

“It’s not exactly a lie, I did feel like that, I remember thinking about it before Hinata punched me,” Suga recalled.

“For someone so small he really can punch,” Tsukishima acknowledged. Suga nodded against his back.

“I couldn’t tell them the real reason,” Suga admitted sheepishly.

“What are you going to do about it? The real problem?” Tsukishima asked, staring straight ahead.

“Nothing,” Suga answered. “There’s nothing I can do about it.” Tsukishima hummed, not entirely in agreement, but he didn’t respond. After a few more blocks filled with silence, they reached Suga’s house. 

“I can make it from here,” Suga stated as he slid off the younger boy’s back. He staggered when his feet touched the ground, but caught his balance quickly. “Thank you, for everything.”

“I’ here, if you ever need anything. Yamaguchi too, he doesn’t judge and always has pretty good advice,” Tsukishima said. 

“Thank you,” he repeated, turning into his house. He liked Tsukishima, he was complex, yet something about him appealed to Suga. 

‘Tomorrow,’ Suga thought. ‘Tomorrow I’ll talk to Yamaguchi.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, kinda a filler chapter I guess...Anywho, Daichi may seem a bit out of character, I'm not sure. I think he's feeling kind of mad/sad/frustrated that Suga went to Tsukishima instead of him, so he's kinda angsty? Also can we just take a minute to appreciate Tsukishima, what a guy, I mean really. If anybody can draw I would really love to see Tsukishima giving Suga a piggyback ride :) Next chapter we're gonna have some Suga/Yams chats and it's gonna be amazing!   
> Onyx


	10. Back to Normal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suga goes back to his normal routine, all the while avoiding a certain volleyball captain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is late! I had some motivation issues, but here it is!

It was a force of habit, waking up this early. Suga groaned at his clock, the dull red numbers reading 5:00. On normal days; days when he had to meet Hinata and Kageyama at 6:30, waking up at 5 was just an everyday thing. Because he wasn’t actually going to practice, his alarm wasn’t set to go off for another hour. Suga sighed and rolled onto his back, blinking up at the ceiling. There was no way he was going to fall back asleep; once he was up he was up for good. With a grunt, Suga pulled the covers back and hopped out of bed, feet landing with a dull thud. He wandered across the hall to the bathroom, stretching slightly before jumping in the shower. The feeling of hot water against his skin felt nice, soothing even. He hadn’t showered in the past week; he hadn’t really done anything for that matter. He let himself enjoy the feeling of the water a bit longer before starting on his routine. He first washed his hair, the sweet smell of mocha and coffee grounds flooding his still healing nose. He quickly washed his body, then slowly and carefully washed his face. His nose was doing better, the original sharp pain switched with a slight throbbing. He turned the water off and stepped out, water droplets falling gently from his hair. With his towel wrapped securely around his waist, Suga left the warmth of his muggy bathroom and stumbled across the hall to his room. Since he wasn’t practicing, he skipped the athletic clothes and instead just put on his uniform. 

The mouth-watering aroma of bacon greeted Suga as he left his room. Following the scent, Suga found himself wandering into the kitchen where his mother was cooking breakfast.

“Good morning Koushi,” his mother chimed from the stove. Suga muttered a ‘morning’ in response and sat down at the counter, watching her work. She smiled and slid a warm mug towards him, never looking away from the sizzling pan in front of her. Suga looked down skeptically at the white speckled liquid in the mug.

“Just drink it,” his mother chuckled. Suga glanced down hesitantly before bringing the warm liquid to his mouth. The mixture of milk and honey heated his entire body; the cinnamon sugar and nutmeg danced across his taste buds. Suga smiled, large and genuine; it reminded him of his childhood, when his parents weren’t away in Tokyo as often. 

“I used to make it for you every night before bed. I’m sorry if it makes you sleepy, but I wanted to make it again for old times’ sake,” his mother smiled, plating the eggs and bacon. She pushed the plate over to Suga and turned back to the kitchen, starting on the dishes. Suga looked down with a sad smile, he missed this. He had become so used to being alone, he didn’t realize just how lonely he truly was. Suga ate slowly, he didn’t want to repeat what happened the previous day. Luckily, Tsukishima was the only one around; somehow he was able to hold back until everyone was gone.

“Going to practice?” his mother asked as he finished eating. 

“I’m not going to actually practice, but as vice-captain I still need to be there,” Suga swallowed, pushing his plate across the countertop. His mother hummed as she took the plate, rinsing it off before putting it in the dishwasher. 

“Koushi,” she announced, turning to face him. “I know that things haven’t been easy for you. I know that your father and I haven’t been around, but I want you to know that we are now. If you ever need anything, you can talk to us.”

“Thanks mom. I’ll let you know if anything comes up,” Suga explained. His mother nodded in response, turning back to the dishes. Suga stood up and walked to the door, grabbing his bag and putting on his shoes. According to his phone, it was 6:15; if he left now he could meet Hinata and Kageyama for their normal morning practice. There was always a chance that they wouldn’t be there, however Suga felt this was unlikely. As he began walking, he sent a quick text to Daichi, letting him know that he would meet him at the gym for practice. For some reason, Suga felt that there was another reason he was going to practice early. Although he didn’t want to admit it, there was no doubt that he was using this as a way to ignore Daichi.

“Of course you guys are here,” Suga chuckled as he approached the gym. Just as he had expected, Hinata and Kageyama were there, passing the ball just outside of the gym. 

“Suga!” Hinata yelled, looking away from the ball and getting hit on the head. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to help you practice,” he replied nonchalantly. “I might not be able to practice, but I’m okay tossing to you guys.”

“We weren’t expecting you,” Kageyama muttered, picking up the ball that had rolled towards him after bouncing off of Hinata.

“I said I wanted things to go back to normal, didn’t I? This is a normal part of my routine,” Suga shrugged. “Now come on, let’s go set up.”

It felt nice, setting up the gym with the freak duo; it felt normal. In the past week, Suga had learned to really appreciate the small things, such as early morning practices and evening meat buns. These had just been things that he did, normal day to day things that he never thought twice about. 

“Suga,” Kageyama began as they finished putting up the net. “Why do you come early to practice every day? You said before that you were tired of just helping others, yet you made sure to always be here.”

“It’s not that I’m tired of helping, it’s more that I’m not really focusing on myself. And of course I would be here, you asked me too. I try not to let my personal feelings or opinions get in the way of what I’m doing,” Suga replied. 

“Why?” Hinata asked, bouncing up behind him.

“Why what?” Suga questioned, turning to face him.

“Why don’t you let your feelings or opinions get in the way? Isn’t it hard to focus on keeping everything locked away?” he wondered.

“Well, yeah, it’s mentally taxing, but I normally handle it well,” Suga explained.

“Nobody would blame you if you let down your walls every once in a while. I don’t know about the others, but I don’t want to see you break down again,” Kageyama commented. Suga smiled slightly, whoever would have thought that the King of the Court and his rival setter would be worrying about him? It made him think back to when they first got the practice match invite from Aoba Johsai. Suga wasn’t exactly surprised that they wanted Kageyama to play setter, but it just made him realize how far above him Kageyama really was. What did surprise him was when the younger boy told him that he would earn his place as official setter. People really underestimated Kageyama; he wasn’t a bad person, he was just awkward and sucked at communication. 

“Thanks, that means a lot,” Suga responded sincerely. “Now, why don’t we practice?”

Their morning practice was, oddly enough, fun. This was odd because for the most part, it mostly consisted of Hinata and Kageyama bickering; but today was different. Together, the three of them were laughing and joking around; it was a rather light-hearted experience. Time flew by quickly, and in no time at all the rest of the team began to arrive. 

“Suga,” Daichi called as he walked into the gym. Suga took a deep breath and plastered on a fake smile; Daichi couldn’t know anything was wrong.

“What’s up?” he asked, jogging over to meet him.

“I didn’t think you would practice with Kageyama and Hinata,” Daichi stated, looking at the other boy.

“I wasn’t planning on it, but I woke up early and figured they would be here,” Suga admitted, scratching the back of his neck.

“You didn’t overdo it, did you? You’re not supposed to start practicing again until Wednesday,” Daichi scolded, worry in his tone.

“I just tossed to them like I normally do,” he replied simply. Daichi had an odd look on his face, probably because Suga didn’t tease him for worrying like he normally would. Luckily, at that moment, Tsukishima came in, giving him an excuse to leave the now awkward conversation.

“Tsukishima,” Suga waved, going over to meet him. Tsukishima nodded at him in response. 

“Morning Sugawara,” Yamaguchi greeted cheerfully.

“Good morning Yamaguchi. This is actually good timing, I would like to talk to you later if you have time. It’s nothing bad, so don’t worry,” he clarified after seeing the terrified look on the young server’s face. 

“You can talk during lunch in the same place as last time,” Tsukishima suggested in his normal bored tone.

“Works for me,” Suga grinned. He really liked this batch of first years,

“Okay, um, I’ll meet you there during lunch,” Yamaguchi confirmed.

“Alright,” Daichi clapped from the center of the gym. “Let’s start.”

Practice that morning went rather smoothly. With Suga back, the team felt whole again. Even though he was on the sidelines, his constant cheering and encouragement was felt by everyone. No one truly realized how important Suga was to the team until he wasn’t there anymore. It wasn’t a good thought, but sometimes you have to disappear before you can truly be appreciated. 

“Suga,” Daichi called after practice, catching up with him. Suga stopped walking towards the school and waited.

“What? I need to get my make-up work before class starts,” Suga barked, his voice harsher then he intended. 

“About that. You should come over after practice. I can help you get caught up,” Daichi offered, walking next to the setter. 

“Daichi!” a female voice cheered from in front of them. Suga looked up to see Michimiya bounding towards them.

“Sugawara, you’re back! I’m glad!” she smiled brightly, causing Suga’s insides to boil.

“Good morning,” Suga greeted through gritted teeth. He hoped they couldn’t hear the strain in his voice.

“Daichi, we’re still up for later right? I found a really cute little café by the park,” she rambled, causing Suga to stiffen.

“Oh, about that, I actually-“Daichi started, getting cut off by Suga. 

“It’s fine,” Suga smiled forcefully. “It will be better for me to work on my own anyway. Have fun on your date,” he cringed, walking away from the two volleyball captains.

Why would Daichi offer to hang out if he already had plans? More than that, why was Daichi willing to cancel his plans for him? Suga tried to ignore the warm feeling that coursed through his veins. He needed to stop thinking these kinds of thoughts if he was ever going to get over this. Over him, to be more precise. 

If he was being honest with himself, he wasn’t sure getting over Daichi was something he’d be able to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rereading what I've written in this story, I would like to clarify that I love Suga, I really do. I will admit, I have put him through some terrible things, but it's all for plot I swear. One day, there will be a happy ending for Suga. Not today, but one day. Anywho, get ready for some cute Yamaguchi/ Suga chats, because they are coming. Also, I'm taking requests on my Tumblr, so if you want me to write about a certain ship or scenerio, feel free to send one my way!   
> Onyx  
> https://thegoldenonyx.tumblr.com/  
> Search the writing tag on my blog for everything I've written so far!


	11. Two Extremes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suga and Yamaguchi have a heart to heart

He wasn’t going to lie, Suga had no clue what he wanted to talk to Yamaguchi about. He knew that talking to the first year would be beneficial, but he wasn’t sure what to tell him. Despite his better judgement, Suga spent the entire first part of class trying to organize his thoughts, but that never seemed to work for him. By the time lunch came, he was exactly where he started, nowhere.

“Suga,” Daichi called as the lunch bell chimed. Suga turned to look at him; he may as well get this over with now. “We’re going to have lunch outside today, is that okay with you?”

“Do whatever, I already have lunch plans,” he snapped, harsher than necessary. He felt bad seeing the hurt look on Daichi’s face, but he had to accept it. This is what he had to do if he was going to get over this.

“Hanging out with Tsukishima again?” Daichi asked, his voice hurt. Of course he was hurt, Suga had gone to a first year he barely knew instead of his best friends of three years.

“Yamaguchi actually,” Suga replied, his voice level. “I’ll see you later.” With that, he grabbed his lunch and walked out of the classroom, making sure to bump shoulder with Michimiya as he passed. Sure, that was a bit childish, but he felt good after doing it. He made his way mindlessly down the stairs and to the basement, the dark room welcoming him. Yamaguchi was already there, sitting on the same old couch they were on last week.

“Hello Sugawara-san,” Yamaguchi greeted as Suga joined him on the couch.

“Suga is fine,” he smiled, trying to ease the awkwardness.

“Um, what did you want to talk about?” the younger boy asked, picking around at his lunch. Well, may as well just get straight to the point.

“I’m in love with my best friend and I don’t know what to do about it,” he rushed, spilling everything. Yamaguchi’s eyes widened at this, but soon they filled with understanding.

“Why did you come to me about that?” Yamaguchi asked, his tone curious with what seemed like a hint of worry.

“Tsukishima said you were good at giving advice, I guess I just wanted a second opinion,” he answered.

“What’s your current opinion?” he asked, turning to face him.

“Get over it and never tell him,” he responded simply.

“And you honestly think that will work?” Yamaguchi asked, one eyebrow raised. Suga sighed, he was right.

“No, not really. Honestly, I don’t think I’ll ever get over him,” Suga admitted, picking at his own food.

“I...um...I know how you feel,” Yamaguchi muttered, causing Suga to look over at him.

“You do?” he asked, disbelief in his voice. He didn’t think anybody could understand how he felt.

“I like Tsukki, I have for a while actually,” Yamaguchi said, a small smile on his face. “I honestly don’t think I’ll ever be able to get over it.”

“How do you deal with it?” Suga asked, forgetting about his lunch and focusing on the young server.

“I don’t,” he admitted sheepishly. “I keep doing things the same I’ve always done them, but that gnawing feeling is always there.”

“Gnawing feeling?” Suga repeated, hanging onto Yamaguchi’s every word.

“The feeling of wanting more, of not knowing if he feels the same way. Knowing that unless you do something you will never know, but also knowing that if you do something everything will change,” he clarified, getting lost in his own mind.

“I think everything will change anyway, whether you do something about it or not,” Suga thought aloud. Yamaguchi looked over at him at nodded in agreement.

“If I’m going to suppress this, I have to distance myself from Daichi. I can’t stand being so close to him while Michimiya’s around. I have nothing against her, but it’s just too hard seeing them together. The only way I’m not going to do something stupid is if I stop hanging around Daichi altogether, but he’s going to want a reason,” Suga explained.

“I can’t relate to that part; Tsukki hasn’t dated anyone, so I don’t know the feeling. What I can say though, is that if you are going to distance yourself anyway, why don’t you just tell him?” Yamaguchi suggested, earning a terrified look from Suga. “I’m just saying, the best case scenario is that he likes you back, the worst is that you aren’t friends anymore. I don’t think the last option is likely, but if you’re going to leave him behind don’t you think he deserves to know the truth?”

“I don’t want to do anything that will affect the team,” Suga said, avoiding the question.

“I’m going to be honest. To me, Daichi doesn’t seem like the kind of person to make light of other peoples’ feelings. I don’t think he will look at you or treat you any differently, regardless on how he feels. He’s not one to get weirded out by that kind of thing, heck he was the first person to congratulate Hinata and Kageyama. When it comes down to it, it’s your decision about what you do, but I think you would be better off telling him.”

“What about you?” Suga asked. If Yamaguchi was telling him to tell Daichi, then shouldn’t he tell Tsukishima?

“I’m pretty sure he already knows,” he admitted, scratching the back of his neck. “It wouldn’t surprise me. And I know that he wouldn’t treat me any differently, that’s just the kind of person Tsukki is.”

“Okay, just…give me some time to think about it. You’re probably right; scratch that, I know you’re right. I just need some time to sort things out,” Suga explained.

“There’s no rush, take all the time you need,” Yamaguchi smiled, finishing the rest of his lunch.

“Thanks,” he replied, turning to his own lunch. They spent the rest of the lunch period in silence, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. Once the bell rang, they departed, promising to see each other at practice after class. For whatever reason, Suga felt light. He felt like the weight had been lifted from his shoulders; it felt nice. When he reached his classroom, he even smiled at Daichi, that’s how good he was feeling.

Suga was extremely focused during class. He wasn’t focused on class, but he was focused nonetheless. He couldn’t get the conversation he had with Yamaguchi out of his head. Should he tell Daichi? The only option he had even considered was to get over it, but maybe it didn’t have to be that way. He knew Yamaguchi was right, Daichi wouldn’t think any less of him, but that didn’t make it any easier. He really wanted to keep this between him, Yamaguchi, and Tsukishima, but with how things were going, he wasn’t sure how easy that would be. Daichi deserved to know the truth, especially if Suga was going to change because of it. Suga just, didn’t know how to go about things.

“Can I talk to you?” Daichi asked him as soon as class ended. Suga swallowed, glancing around. He wasn’t ready for this conversation, but he couldn’t avoid it forever. Just as he was about to give in, a voice came from the doorway.

“Suga,” Tsukishima called, Yamaguchi behind him. Suga sighed, thankful for a way out. He knew Daichi wouldn’t be happy about it, but Suga just wasn’t ready.

“I can’t right now, maybe later?” he shrugged, facing Daichi. The defeated look on his face hurt Suga, but this was just how things needed to be right now. After a slight nod, Suga grabbed his bag and left, meeting the two first years at the door.

“Great timing,” Suga commented as they walked down the stairs and out towards the gym.

“You can’t avoid him forever,” Tsukishima muttered, Yamaguchi nodding in response.

“I know, but I need to figure things out for myself before I can do anything,” he explained, stepping outside. It was a nice day, the sky was blue and a gentle breeze blew through the sky. As the approached the club room, a familiar figure stepped out from the shadows. Suga froze, he definitely did not want to deal with this today.

“Michimiya,” he greeted, his tone bland. Yamaguchi and Tsukishima stood there, looking awkwardly between the two third years.

“I need to talk to you,” she said, not giving him a choice.

“I need to get to practice,” he shot back, not backing down.

“Daichi said you couldn’t practice again until Wednesday,” she replied, tilting her head.

“As vice-captain, I still need to be at practice,” he retorted.

“Suga, I’m not trying to start a fight with you. This is important and won’t take long, I promise,” She begged, staring into his eyes. Suga sighed and nodded, he knew he couldn’t get out of this.

“I’ll be a little late,” he muttered, following Michimiya across campus. She led him to a secluded spot in the northwest corner of campus, surrounded by various bushes and shrubs.

“Let me just get this out of the way,” she began, turning to face him.

“Let’s,” Suga nodded, waiting for her to continue.

“I know,” she said, her expression blank. Suga stared back at her. She knew what?

“I know you’re in love with Daichi.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie, I've had some trouble writing these last few chapters. I know where I want the story to go, but I've had a lot going on, so it's been hard. Anyway, we finally got our Suga/Yamaguchi talk. I've been looking forward to that for a while, so I'm glad it's finally here. Also, Michimiya isn't a bad person, I swear! I actually really love her, but the story needed a romantic rival. Please feel free to leave comments and go follow me on Tumblr for more Haikyuu!! I write requests everyday, so send some my way!  
> Onyx  
> https://thegoldenonyx.tumblr.com/


	12. Climbing Back Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michimiya and Suga have a heart to heart

“I know you’re in love with Daichi.”

At those words, everything inside of Suga just burst. He fell to the ground, his entire body shaking. She knew. Michimiya knew. She knew how he felt. How? How did she know? He had been so careful, he tried so hard, so how? He curled his knees into his chest and rocked back and forth, shaking his head. This isn’t happening, it can’t be. This is just some messed up nightmare, it’s not real.

“Suga?!?!” he heard Michimiya say frantically. Suga just continued to shake and rock, he couldn’t respond even if he wanted to. The logical portion of his brain was nowhere to be found, all he was able to do was worry. Why did she know? How did she know? When did she find out?

“Suga, hey, it’s okay. You need to calm your breathing, alright? Breathe in, and hold, okay out. Good, you’re doing great. Again, in, hold, and out,” Michimiya coached. Suga wasn’t sure how he was able to follow her directions, but his breathing slowly returned to normal. He opened his eyes and looked at Michimiya, who was kneeling down in front of him. When they locked eyes, Suga was comforted by the worried look she had.

“Are you okay?” she asked, her voice hesitant.

“Yeah, thanks,” Suga whispered, his throat tight.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to freak you out,” she apologized, sitting down in the grass.

“I know, I was just taken by surprise,” he replied, slowly stretching his legs out in front of him. The two sat side by side in silence for a few moments, the only sound the birds in the surrounding trees.

“How?” Suga asked, breaking the silence. They both knew what he was talking about, so there was no need to elaborate.

“The way you lean into him when you walk together, the way you look at him when he isn’t looking at you. Your smile is always the brightest when you’re with him. Daichi mentioned that things started to go wrong with you after the Shiratorizawa match, so it wasn’t that hard to put two and two together,” she explained, pulling at the grass below.

“I never realized how obvious it was, I didn’t actually realize it myself until a few days ago,” Suga muttered, picking at his nails.

“I’m gonna break up with him,” she blurted, causing Suga to jerk his head towards her. “It’s not because of you, so you can stop looking at me like that. If I’m honest, I think he likes you too, now whether or not he’s realized that yet is a different story. I like Daichi, I do, but I don’t see our relationship lasting past graduation. You two, on the other hand, I see lasting for a long time.”

“That’s assuming he feels the same,” Suga smiled sadly. He didn’t doubt what she said about her own relationship, but he couldn’t see any way Daichi liked him the way he liked Daichi.

“You know the way you look at Daichi when he isn’t looking? He does the same thing to you. All those things I said about you, it’s the same for him. I’ve known Daichi since junior high, and I have never seen him as happy as he is with you. He’s been so worried about you recently, I was honestly scared for him. If he doesn’t love you, then I’m not Michimiya Yui,” she exclaimed. Suga chuckled slightly, he felt bad for hating Michimiya, she really was a great person.

“I’m sorry for blowing up on you last week,” Suga apologized, turning his head back to the ground.

“Don’t worry about it, I know you were going through some stuff,” she grinned back.

“Do you really think I have a chance?” he asked, glancing at her out of the corner of his eye.

“I think you have a better chance than I do, and I’m still dating him,” she answered, giving him a playful smirk.

“Are you sure this is what you want to do?” Suga asked. He needed to be sure that this was her idea, even if she already said it wasn’t for him.

“I’ve been thinking about it for a bit, and yeah, I think this is for the best,” she replied, standing up and holding out her hand. Suga smiled up at her and took it, allowing her to pull him up.

“Are we, okay?” he asked dusting himself off. He really did like Michimiya, he hoped that they could put all of this behind them.

“Yeah, we’re good,” she smiled back at him. “Now, go on, you should probably get to practice.”

“Yeah, I should,” Suga agreed, gently pulling his hand back. “Thank you, for talking to me.”

“I’m always here. See ya,” she said, waving and walking back towards the school. Suga stood still for a moment, basking in the warm sunshine. He felt good, his head felt clear. It had been a while since he last felt this nice, and he was going to enjoy it for however long he could. Michimiya, who had spent the most time around Daichi lately believed that Daichi liked him. He figured he could trust her judgement, she probably knew more than he did anyway, but he still wasn’t sure what to do. Yamaguchi had told him it would be best to just tell Daichi what was up, but Suga just wasn’t sure.

“Suga?” he heard from behind him. Coming back to the present, Suga turned around to find Yamaguchi standing behind him.

“Oh, Yamaguchi, sorry, I didn’t think it would take that long,” Suga apologized, rubbed the back of his head.

“It’s fine…Are you okay?” he asked hesitantly.

“Honestly, I’m better than I’ve been in a long time,” Suga smiled, looking back at the younger boy.

“Good,” Yamaguchi smiled in response. “You’re still coming to practice, right?”

“Yeah,” Suga replied, following Yamaguchi towards the gym.

“Yamaguchi,” he spoke up, stopping before they reached the doors. “I think I’m gonna tell him.”

“Good, I’m glad that’s what you decided,” Yamaguchi grinned back at him before closing the distance to the door. Suga took a deep breath before following him. He was going to find Daichi and tell him, today. As he stepped into the gym, he was greeted by his entire team, well, everyone besides Daichi. In fact, Daichi wasn’t even in the gym.

“Sorry I’m late,” Suga called as he entered the gym, looking around trying to find side captain. “Where’s Daichi?”

“Michimiya needed to talk to him, it seemed important,” Tanaka shrugged, turning back to the volleyball in his hands. Suga stiffened slightly, she really worked fast.

“Oh, well if any of you guys need any help, let me know. I want to do what I can,” Suga said, walking over to sit on the edge of the stage. They were working on serves, so there wasn’t much Suga could do. So he just sat back and watched. Asahi’s jump serves were improving greatly, Yamaguchi got all of his float serves over the net, and even Hinata was improving. The minutes ticked on, and eventually practice came to a close. Daichi still hadn’t returned, and Suga was getting a bit worried. Suga knew what was happening, he knew that Daichi was getting broken up with, but he had been gone for almost an hour. Just as the team finished cleaning up, the bang of the door alerted of Daichi’s presence. Suga turned to greet him, but froze almost immediately. He had never seen Daichi look that pissed.

“Suga,” he said, his voice monotone. Suga looked over at him, his eyes wide; he was terrified.

“We need to talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I left you on the last cliffhanger for so long! I was out of town last weekend so I couldn't post anything. Anywho, I have the rest of this story planned out, and it's gonna get real from here on out. Thanks to everyone who has left feedback and kudos, I really appreciate it!  
> Onyx


	13. Bending, not Breaking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daichi gets a wake up call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ended up having to work all weekend, so I'm sorry this is late!

Daichi was uneasy. He thought everything would be fine after Suga finally came back, but something was still off. It was subtle, but there was no denying that Suga was continuing to avoid him. Most people wouldn’t notice, but Daichi had known him long enough. He was less teasing, his responses were shorter, he spent more time with the first years. Although Suga said that it was a personal problem, Daichi got the feeling that it somehow had something to do with him. He wasn’t going to lie, he was getting tired of it. He wanted Suga back, his Suga, not whoever this new Suga was. After class, he decided, after class he would address Suga about this. 

 

As soon as the bell rang, Daichi quickly gathered his belongings, not wanting to miss Suga. Daichi stood and walked up to Suga’s desk, where the other boy was already preparing to leave.

 

“Can I talk to you?” he asked, his voice steady. He saw Suga’s eyes frantically search the room, no doubt searching for a way out. He saw relief flood the other boy’s face as he looked towards the door. Daichi knew without turning around what was there; Tsukishima and Yamaguchi.

 

“Suga,” Tsukishima called, causing Suga to look at Daichi apologetically. 

 

“I can’t right now, maybe later,” Suga suggested, walking past Daichi to meet with the two first years. Daichi sighed, leaning up against Suga’s desk. This was going to be a lot harder than he thought. 

 

“It’s not just me right?” he asked as Asahi approached him. “He’s ignoring me.”

 

“It seems that way,” Asashi agreed, gripping his bag strap. 

 

“What did I do?” Daichi sighed, he honestly had no idea.

 

“Unless you can get him to tell you, I doubt you’ll ever know,” Asahi stated. “Come on, let’s get to practice, you can always ask him about it after.”

 

“As long as he doesn’t run off,” he muttered, following Asahi out of the classroom. They walked to the clubroom in silence, a common theme between the third years recently. It wasn’t the same without Suga, nothing was. As they opened the door, the loud chatter of the rest of the team was oddly comforting. 

 

“Asahi!!!!!” Noya greeted as the entered. Daichi chuckled at the light blush that appeared on his friend’s cheek; it was so obvious that they liked each other. 

 

“Noya, is there really any reason to yell?” Ennoshita scolded, glaring at him. Noya just grinned in response, Ennoshita shook his head. 

 

“Is Suga in the gym already?” Daichi asked, seeing Yamaguchi and Tsukishima in the back corner. 

 

“He, uh, had something to take care of, he’ll be a little late,” Yamaguchi replied awkwardly. Something seemed off about his answer, but Daichi decided to pick and choose his battles. It’s not that he didn’t care what Suga was doing, he cared a lot, but he had other things to focus on right now. 

 

“Let’s hurry up and get to the gym,” Daichi instructed, quickly getting changed. The club room slowly emptied out, until just Asahi and Daichi remained. 

 

“Are you...okay?” Asahi asked, standing in the doorway.

 

“Not really,” Daichi admitted. “I...I miss Suga, a lot. I just wish he’d talk to me.”

 

“If you need anything, just let me know,” Asahi offered, holding the door open. Daichi nodded at him and walked out, heading towards the gym. They made it through warm ups and broke into small groups to practice various things when the door slid open. Daichi’s head shot up, missing the ball that flew towards him. Disappointment flooded through him when he didn’t see Suga in the doorway, but rather Michimiya. He knew he should be happy to see his girlfriend, but he couldn’t get over the fact that it wasn’t Suga.

 

“Daichi, could I talk to you for a minute? It’s important,” she asked, an odd look on her face. Daichi knew that she wouldn’t take him from practice unless it was extremely important, so he nodded and followed her out the door. They walked silently to the grassy area around the front side of the building.

 

“What’s up?” he asked as they stopped. She turned to face him, a sad look on her face. Daichi suddenly got a bad feeling in his chest. 

 

“I’m just going to go ahead and say it,” she began, looking him in the eye. “I think we should break up.” Daichi froze, shock on his face. What shocked him wasn’t that Michimiya was dumping him, but more that he didn’t feel as bad as he probably should. Somewhere deep within him, he even felt relieved. 

 

“Why?” he asked, actually curious. If she was breaking up with him, he wanted to know why.

 

“I think we both know the odds of this continuing after high school are slim, and besides, I know where your heart truly lies,” she smiled at him. Where his heart truly lies, what does that mean?

 

“What do you mean, where my heart truly lies?” he asked, starting to get a little annoyed; why did it seem like everyone knew more than he did?

 

“That’s something you need to figure out for yourself,” she answered.

 

“Yui, please, not you too. I’m sick and tired of everyone knowing more than me,” he pleaded.

 

“I’m sorry Daichi, I really am, but this isn’t my place to say anything. If you really can’t figure it out for yourself, I recommend talking to Suga,” she stated.

 

“What do you think I’ve been trying to do for the past week?” he yelled, throwing his hands up. “Every single time I try to have a conversation with him, he finds an excuse to avoid me.”

 

“Go talk to him right now, I promise you he won’t go anywhere,” she promised, waving him away. “I have to go now, but please talk to him, it’s for your own good.”

 

Daichi stood still, watching Michimiya until she was no longer in view. Slowly, he felt himself sink down to the ground. He was mad; angry even. None of this would have happened if Suga hadn’t started ignoring him. Every problem Daichi had had in the past week was all because of Suga.

 

But, he realized, it went even further than that. The problem wasn’t Suga, the problem was how much he cared about Suga. In the past week, Daichi’s mind had been filled with Suga. He had been worried, so worried, he had ignored practically every other aspect of his life.

 

Sitting here, on the grass next to the school, Daichi had a realization. This, what he was feeling; it wasn’t a normal best friend feeling. It was normal to be worried about them, but it wasn’t normal for that worry to take over your life. He put Suga at the top, above everything and everyone.

 

Now, he was just angry and confused. He was angry that Suga wouldn’t talk to him, angry he was being avoided. He was confused about why he was being avoided, but, most of all, he was confused about his feelings. These feelings, whatever they were, were confusing as hell.

 

Feeling these emotions coursing through him, Daichi pushed himself up and stormed over to the gym. This was going to be solved, now, whether Suga wanted to talk to him or not. Daichi threw the door of the gym open, searching frantically for the setter.

 

“Suga,” he growled when they locked eyes.

  
“We need to talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think Daichi needs a hug...So, he got dumped, but maybe it's for the best :) He's starting to realize that maybe his feelings for Suga aren't platonic, even if he isn't sure what exactly they are. The question arises, what will they talk about? Are they going to admit their feelings? Are they going to have a giant fight that will ruin their friendship? Who knows? (Spoiler: I do). Anyway, thanks for all the comments and kudos! I really appreciate them :)  
> Onyx


	14. A Light in the Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daichi and Suga finally talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this is late! Life has been really stressful recently!

The walk to the clearing was a silent one. Suga followed Daichi, a few steps between them, to the same clearing Suga had been with Michimiya earlier. Even from this far away, Suga could feel the anger radiating off of Daichi, and he was terrified. He knew this was it; he had to talk to him, no more running, no more lying. Daichi had every right to be angry, Suga knew that, but he hoped things would finally calm down after they had talked.

 

Suga was worried, that was no secret. He knew how he felt, he knew what Michimiya had said about Daichi, but the fact that he had no way of knowing how Daichi would react scared him. That state of unknowing, of not being in control of the situation, that was the worst.

 

When they reached the clearing, Suga stopped a few steps behind Daichi, giving him some space to collect his thoughts. It took a few silent minutes before Daichi finally turned to look at Suga. It appeared as though he had cooled down a bit, but it was hard to tell since his face was stuck in stone.

 

“Daichi…” Suga began uneasily. He knew things needed to be said, but he really had no clue how to start.

 

“Don’t,” Daichi stopped him, his voice firm. Suga closed his mouth, looking at Daichi expectantly. “I need you to listen to me first, then you can say whatever you have to say.” Suga nodded, his throat tight. Daichi let out a sigh before looking up into Suga’s eyes.

 

“I don’t know what I did Koushi, I really don’t. I’ve been replaying these last few weeks in my head over and over, but I can’t figure it out. I know that whatever problem you have has to do with me, but for the love of God I don’t know why. It’s obvious you’ve been avoiding me, it’s obvious I’m the only one you’ve been avoiding, but I don’t know what I did. I’m just, I’m confused Koushi, I’m angry. You won’t talk to me, you keep avoiding me. I can’t change anything if I don’t know what needs to be changed. I don’t know what to think or feel anymore. I’m lost. I can’t do anything unless you  _ talk _ to me. I’ve been trying to talk to you for two weeks, but every single time you find a way to get out of it. I’m tired of everyone knowing more than me. I know Tsukishima knows what’s going on, Yamaguchi, even Yui knows. Which, by the way, she broke up with me, but I’m pretty sure you already knew that. It hurt like hell when you talked to Tsukishima instead of me. I thought we were closer than that Koushi. I have been so damn worried about you but I’ve been useless. All I’ve been doing these past two weeks has been trying to figure out what the hell is going on. I’m just not me without you Kou. Ask anyone, ask the team. Ennoshita’s been more of a captain than I have recently, I’ve been to worried to even lead them. I just, fuck Koushi, I just need to know that you can trust me. If you can’t, then I don’t think I can do this anymore.”

 

Suga was silent, and that probably wasn’t the best response. He was just shocked. He had never taken the time to think about how this whole situation was affecting Daichi. He was also thrown off a bit. He trusted Daichi, he trusted Daichi more than he trusted himself. What did Daichi mean he couldn’t do it anymore? Be his friend? Suga didn’t want to find out, so he swallowed his pride and took a deep breath.

 

“There’s a reason I haven’t been able to talk to you about this Dai, about the problem I’ve been having. It’s you. You’re the problem,” he admitted, looking down at his feet. He heard Daichi mutter a slight “oh,” but began again before he could say anything.

 

“What I said on Sunday about being ignored was the problem, at first, but after really thinking about it, I realized there was a bigger problem. I guess you already know that everything started the day of the Shiratorizawa match, I think that much is pretty obvious. I’ve been stuck in my head since that day, but until recently I never really allowed myself to focus on why. A lot of things happened when Hinata punched me, but by that happening I stopped running, sort of. The thing Tsukishima helped me figure out, the thing Yamaguchi gave me advice on, the think Michimiya figured out all on her own. You were right, by the way, I knew she broke up with you, and I know why. Daichi, the day of the Shiratorizawa match was the day you and Michimiya got together. The days leading up to my accident, I was thinking about you. I was in my head so much because I was thinking about you. I felt like you were leaving me behind, forgotten. I didn’t want you to spend time with her, it was selfish, I know, but I couldn’t help feeling that way. I’m used to being ignored, I mean I practically raised myself. I was always a background character, secondary, but you never ignored me. You always put me out in front. You were the only person who never ignored me, and when Hinata punched me, I felt like you were finally done with me. When I was talking to Tsukishima on Sunday, I realized my feelings for you were more than just platonic. I’m in love with you Daichi, I’m in love with you and it killed me seeing you with someone else. It wasn’t rational, but it I hated Michimiya for it. I hated not being the one by your side, not being the one close to you. I thought that if I kept my distance for a while I would get over it, but looks like I can’t really do that anymore. I wasn’t planning on ever telling you, but Michimiya told me to. She broke up with you because she was convinced you loved me too. Tsukishima and Yamaguchi also said that. I’m sorry if you think I’m weird and hate me now, but you deserve the truth and I’ve been putting it off for too long.”

 

“You love me,” Daichi repeated quietly, a mixture of a statement and a question.

 

“Yeah, I do,” Suga answered, still unsure about how to feel. Was this a good thing? A bad thing? He had no idea. 

 

“That’s what this is,” he half whispered to himself as he took a step closer to Suga. They were standing toe to toe now, so close and yet so far.

 

“What what is?” Suga asked breathlessly, getting drunk off of Daichi’s scent.

 

“This feeling. I should have realized it sooner,” he muttered. So many emotions were flooding through Suga, but he needed to hear it. He needed Daichi to say it. 

 

“Daichi...please,” Suga begged, closing his eyes. He needed to hear it.

 

“Koushi,” he began, speaking quietly but clearly. “I love you too.” Suga opened his eyes and tilted his head up slightly until he was looking deeply into Daichi’s eyes. He wasn’t sure who moved first, but before he knew it the distance between them was closing. It felt like an eternity, but it was completely worth it. Never in his wildest dreams did Suga think this would happen.

 

Too bad it didn’t.

 

“Come on, we’re almost there,” Noya’s voice startled them, both hopped away from each other. Suga looked down at his feet, too embarrassed to look at Daichi. He could feel how red his face was, and he hoped he wasn’t the only one.

 

“Asahi, why did yo-oh…” Noya stopped dead in his tracks. Suga was still staring at the ground, but he could see the two boys’ feet out of the corner of his vision.

 

“Daichi, Suga...sorry, we didn’t mean-” Asahi stuttered an apology.

 

“Stop worrying Asahi, you’re fine,” Suga looked up and smiled at him. Sure, Suga was disappointed, but there was nothing he could do about it now. “So, what are you guys doing?” he asked them.

 

“Noya wanted meat buns…” Asahi replied, his voice unsure.

 

“So you came to the edge of the forest?” Daichi asked, waking up from his stupor.

 

“It’s a shortcut,” Noya explained matter-of-factly. “Wanna come?”

 

“Lead the way,” Suga decided, following an excited Noya. He pretended not to see the odd looks the other third years gave him. Suga figured the moment was already ruined, so he may as well go along with it.

 

After about 15 minutes of various chatting, Suga took a look around and realized a few problems. First, the sun was setting at a rapid pace, and with the overhang of trees, the forest was rather dark. The next problem was that Suga wasn’t paying attention to where he was, and he was sure the others weren’t either. Moral of the story, it was dark, and they were lost.

 

“I don’t mean to be that person,” Suga began, stopping and looking at his companions. “But I think we may be lost.”

 

“I thought you said this was a shortcut,” Asahi muttered to Noya, fear in his voice.

 

“It is, or, it was supposed to be. It’s too dark for me to really tell,” he responded.

 

“So we’re lost in a dark forest,” Daichi confirmed, a grim look on his face.

 

“If we keep walking we’re bound to get out, right?” Asahi suggested, glancing around.

 

“It’ll be safer if we just wait here until morning. We don’t want to get turned around and walk deeper into the woods,” Suga explained.

 

“I have to agree with Koushi,” Daichi said. Suga blushed at his name, he was pretty sure Daichi didn’t even realized he said it. Asahi and Noya gave the two of them a confused look, but neither one mentioned it. 

 

“I think I remember seeing an old shed a few minutes back, we could stay there for the night,” Asahi mentioned.

 

“Good on Asahi!” Noya cheered, turning around to head back the way they came.

 

As they walked back towards the shed, Daichi fell into step beside Suga, who was a few steps behind the others. They were walking close together, their hands brushing every so often. Out of the corner of his eye, Suga could see a very concentrated look on Daichi’s face. Chuckling, Suga gave in and grabbed his hand, lacing their fingers together. He ignored the heat on his cheeks and smiled, basking in the warmth of Daichi’s touch.

 

“I can see it?” Noya announced, sprinting forward to the old building. It was small and falling apart, but it would be fine for one night. The inside was bare besides a few old blankets and empty shelves. 

 

“It’s gonna be a tight fit,” Suga noticed, letting go of Daichi’s hand and pushing past Noya and Asahi into the center of the room. “Let’s lay these blankets on the ground,” he instructed, grabbing them off of the shelves. Once everything was set up, they all sat down in a circle. Daichi sat on Suga’s left, Noya on his right, and Asahi across from him. 

 

“You two seem to be doing better,” Asahi mentioned, looking between Daichi and Suga. 

 

“We still have some stuff to talk about, but yeah, I’d say we’re doing better,” Daichi agreed, smiling over at Suga.

 

“How are you two doing?” Suga asked, a sickeningly sweet smile on his face.

 

“Wh..what do you mean?” Asahi choked out, his face beet red.

 

“Is it that obvious?” Noya asked, his face just as red.

 

“Little bit,” Suga smiled, Daichi nodding in agreement.

 

“What’s going on?” Asahi stuttered, looking around cluelessly. Noya stood up and grabbed Asahi’s hand, pulling him up and dragging him outside.

 

“They grow up so fast,” Suga sniffled, wiping fake tears off of his face.

 

“About time,” Daichi agreed, scooting closer to Suga.

 

“I’m sure they would say the same about us,” he chuckled, resting his head on Daichi’s shoulder.

 

“Hey Daichi,” Suga muttered, closing his eyes. 

 

“Yes Koushi?” he asked, leaning his head on Suga’s.

 

“I love you.”

 

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a bit of a tease...I know. I would apologize, but I'm not sorry. Anywho, they finally talked, and got some stuff worked out, so there's that. Shoutout to Noya by the way, and Asahi. Hopefully I will have the next chapter up soon, but I'm not going to promise and exact date. Thanks so much to everyone who has read, commented, and left kudos, it really means a lot to me!  
> Onyx

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Haikyuu!! story and I'm super excited! It's also my first third person story, so please let me know how I do! Please feel free to leave comments about anything, it really helps me grow as an author! Also, my update schedule is every Sunday, and the chapters will all be about this length. Thanks, and enjoy!  
> Onyx


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